By taking off your clothes to gain a little bit of popularity, you’re hardly re-inventing the wheel. The Girls of the Playboy Mansion – Holly, Kendra and that other one, are perfect examples of how getting your boobs out for some photos (and in this case letting an old horny man touch you inappropriately) can get you all that your heart desires, but is this really the positive message that we’re wanting to put out there for future generations? Look, I’m not saying that the internet or media has been awash with morally sound content like nuns praying or goats not singing and instead, just eating grass lately, but you know that when a girl posts a video of herself sucking on a bloody tampon (seriously, do not click that link) for the enjoyment of millions of people on Youtube, everything has gone to shit.
Lately South Africa has had quite a few women who have been removing their kit for a certain publication made famous by the aforementioned geriatric horndog. However, unlike Crystal Harris (it’s the one that Hef eventually married after she left him at the alter, come on keep up) they were featured in the far crappier local rendition of the magazine. This being the dawn of social media in South Africa the ladies themselves, keen for a pat on the head from their
daddy, I mean boyfriend, I mean recognition for their many talents, went on to plaster the walls of Twitter, Youtube and Facebook with as many pictures of them naked as possible.
Inevitably, their tireless dedication to the cause of putting naked pictures of themselves on the internet and in magazines resulted in them scoring thousands of horny guys as fans that say sweet things like: “your tight hot pert bum, that I want to eat my morning eggs off of, shows how strong and inspirational you are” (a conversational piece that’s sure to build the confidence of any self-respecting female) as well as landing sure-fire career builders like doing the weather report in a bikini or being the brand ambassador for a beauty clinic. All I’m saying is that this sounds like a whole lot of work.
Once you’ve taken your clothes off to be famous, that’s going to be a defining characteristic of your life and as an unfortunate by-product, anybody that is involved in your life as well. For example, should you ever choose to have children, your offspring will eventually have to gaze across your naked body (from like 20 years back) draped across rocks near a waterfall, as a bully beats them up in a bid to convince them to organise a play-date with you and your boobs at your house. A naked photo on the internet is like syphilis… it never ever really goes away.
Being naked for the camera is a lot of hard graft too… you’ve got to save up for some fake boobs, watch what you eat, go for tans and even laser your bush (which I’m told isn’t exactly painless) and I can guarantee that given what people are getting famous for these days, you don’t even have to go through all of this AND take off your kit for a couple thousand likes.
Girls, I want you to know that the internet is ready to make you famous while wearing your clothes. Just yesterday I saw a bunch of girls, who are clearly just passing time while waiting to go to Harvard, snorting condoms up their noses and then pulling them out their mouths – and they had like a zillion views already. So before you sign up to get your boobs in a magazine and start sharing Frisky Friday photos of you holding a cat in front of your vagina, why not try doing something that leaves your dignity intact like snorting a condom up your nose and then removing it via your mouth, filming it and then uploading the video to Youtube. That seems to work just fine.
Ricky Bynight out.