Would you like to lighten your labia?

The World is all about personalisation, quick fixes and looking glossy-magazine-hot at all costs. If you’re super hairy down there, expect to be judged severely every time you whip your kit off at gym, or when you manage to lure a victim into your furry lair. So what about the colour of your vagina? Is there an ideal for that too?

Yes. Apparently if your vagina is not the colour of the pinkest Barbie car available for purchase you should feel self conscious. My New Pink Button ™ is a temporary dye that promises to restore the youthful pink colour back to your labia. This patent pending formula was designed by a female certified Paramedical Esthetician after she discovered her own genital color loss (shame, poor thing). As the story goes, she was looking online for a solution to the “problem” when she discovered that thousands of other women, had similar issues surrounding the loss of colour in their cookies. After countless searches revealing no real solution for this pressing problem and a discussion with a gynecologist she decided to create her own… Thank the heavens.

I do not have a vagina of my own and don’t often shag old ladies, so this is actually the first time I have ever heard of the issue of vagina discolouration. Once again the very reliable website for this product pointed out that this in fact was a problem faced by all women since childhood with the following quote-

“Occasionally a woman is self-conscious of her Labia since childhood.”

Here’s some more from the FAQ section of the product’s website:

Q. “I used to be so “Pink” and healthy looking on my inside Labia Lip area. Now I am losing that fresh look. Is there anything I can do”?
A. Yes, now there is a solution! “My New Pink Button” is a Cosmetic Dye especially for the woman’s genital area, to help restore that healthy vibrant Rosy color. Until now there has never been a solution for restoring natural pigment. This is a concern with many women and more than you can even imagine, and a frequent question that Physicians are asked. Check out the blogs on the Internet. You are not alone! This is a common problem and we now have a simple and safe solution, restoring sexual confidence to Women everywhere!

So the pussy dye (haha yes, I did just say that) comes in 4 different shades- Marilyn, Bettie, Ginger and Audry.

Marilyn is the lightest and “good for beginners.”

What’s Bettie like? “Think of that favorite lipstick you wear for those dressy black tie affairs.”

Audry is a “bold burgundy pink color” for “the woman that loves to be daring”.

” Ginger was “developed for ‘Women of Color.'”

Right so if you feel the need to add this to your basket of anal bleach and bum-bras you can check out the site over HERE.

Personally, I think it’s all a little bit nuts. If your kit down there is in working order and is kept nice and clean (nothing worse in the world), I don’t see what the point of products like this is.

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Im a guy with a very particular view of life... im not quite sure what that view is just yet, but when I find out I'll be sure to let you know...