Win tickets to Jimmy Carr live in South Africa this March with Real Concerts


Jimmy Carr-750095JimmyCarr_116 2

The man who is best known for his ridiculous laugh and his innate ability to make people cry and cackle with his hit is on his way back to South Africa this March. You can expect his no infamous deadpan delivery and one line responses to anyone who even dares to heckle him while on stage as well as some of the most current comedic content out there right now.

Having played to over 1.5-million people on live tours around the world, Jimmy sure does know this comedy thing pretty well and you can be sure that you’re going to be getting one step closer to having those washboard abs from laughing so much during his latest show, Gagging Order, which will take place at the Big Top Arena at Carnival City, Grand West Casino in Cape Town and the ICC in Durban in March.

UK newspaper, the Independent on Sunday, referred to him as being “as sick as he is slick” – so bring your big girl panties for this one.

Deets you need:

Venue: The Big Top Arena, Carnival City, Johannesburg
Date: Saturday 29 March 2014
Tickets: R441 to R743 at Computicket

Venue: The Grand Arena, GrandWest Casino, 1 Vanguard Drive, Goodwood Cape Town
Date: Sunday 30 March 2014
Tickets: R371 to R743 at Computicket

Venue: ICC Durban
Date: Monday 31 March 2014
Tickets: R371 to R743 at Computicket

Competition Time:

We’re giving away a double ticket for Jozi and one double for Cape Town. To win – leave a comment below letting us know your best “one liner – just like Jimmy Car” (if it’s an original joke as far as we know & not one stolen from Jimmy Carr your chance will better). Best jokes win the tickets. Winners announced on Monday 24th March 2014.

Following @RealConcerts and liking them on Facebook doesn’t hurt either 🙂

Im a guy with a very particular view of life… im not quite sure what that view is just yet, but when I find out I’ll be sure to let you know…

Comments 144

  1. PICK ME!!!

    “A man has been convicted with having sex with a goat. I’m guessing it gave him the horn.”

  2. It’s easy to distract fat people. It’s a piece of cake.

    This would be the best tickets to win 😀 This guy is the legend!

  3. Swimming is good for you… especially if you’re drowning. From the man himself – Mr Carr

  4. “Jimmy, if you were a soup, what soup would you be?”

    “Uh… tomato?”

    Threw Jimmy completely! Haha

  5. I’m not saying your stupid, I’m just saying that you have bad luck when it comes to thinking!!

  6. “If your girlfriend complains about sex in the middle of the night being bad, you should probably not let the rhohypnol wear off and you probably shoudlnt call her your girlfriend if you picked her up earlier at the club”

  7. I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, “I’m peeing in here!”.b*tch.

  8. I did a gig in the US once for the homeless. I said “It’s nice to see so many bums on seat.”

    Love this guy too much 🙂

  9. Reply by a man who forgot to close his fly:

    “But, a successful business never needs to close its doors.”

  10. Jimmy’s most vile joke ever told! He was even disgusted at it which is brilliant.

    “how do you get a gay guy to fuck a woman?… You shit in her cunt”

    Told you it was vile.

    I NEEEEEEEED THOSE TICKETS!!!!!

  11. “When I was a kid I was scared of the dentist…
    He was a pedophile”
    “I suppose that begs the question how many fillings did he give me”
    – Jimmy Carr

  12. What’s the difference between red and green?

    Fuck all, apparently, if you’re a cyclist.

  13. I tried to do a survey as to which shampoo woman prefer but most of the replies I got was “how the hell did you get into my bathroom”

  14. Im NOT talking about people with water retention…. Im talking about people with CAKE retention!!!! Baaaahahahahaa TOOOOO FUNNY!!! Desperately wana see ‘Jamaica’ live!!!!

    My personal fav one liner is….
    “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese” LOL

  15. I don’t see people wearing camouflage-print clothing anymore, but I’m still not entirely sure if camouflage has gone out of fashion, or if it has just gotten THAT good.

  16. And the Lord said unto John, “come forth and receive eternal life.”
    But John came fifth and won a toaster.

  17. “I lived in a bedroom with five brothers and one sister, so you can imagine the fights we had.

    Over who gets to go first.” SP

  18. My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called ‘Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking’. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian…

    Please let these tickets be as cheap and easy for me as Jimmy Carrs girlfriend

  19. David Bullard says his harassment of Michelle Solomon is OK because he was just doing it to win a bet. Well, I need to rob a bank and be forgiven for it, so who wants to bet me that I can make 10 grand in two months?

  20. I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not for our children’s children because I don’t think that children should be having sex.

  21. A recent study by the medical society found that 25% of women in this country are on medication for psychological illness. That is a scary statistic, mainly because it means that 75% are walking around untreated.

  22. “When I was a kid I was scared of the dentist…
    He was a pedophile”
    “I suppose that begs the question how many fillings did he give me”
    – Jimmy Carr

  23. She told me she was Lesbian. I asked her “Which part of Lesbia do you come from?”

    Tickets for CT would be wonderful!

  24. I wanted to buy a new boomerang, but i just could’nt throw the old one away.

    Threw a boomerang 3 years ago and it never came back, now i live in constant fear.

  25. Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes.

    hahahahaha! missed him the last time he was here! I need to see him, let me win 🙂

  26. I finally got my laptop connected to the wireless printer! Not sure which house I need to go to to get my documents…

  27. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

    Tickets for Cape Town pleeease!!

  28. For some reason, my best friend absolutely love this one:
    What’s the difference between a fly and a miggie?
    A miggie can fly, but a fly can’t miggie! XD
    Would absolutely love those tickets. Wouldn’t be able to wear make up…black tears!

  29. For some reason, my best friend absolutely love this one:
    What’s the difference between a fly and a miggie?
    A miggie can fly, but a fly can’t miggie! XD
    Would absolutely love those tickets. Wouldn’t be able to wear make up…black tears all the way!

  30. In keeping with Jimmy’s style, I have a one-liner that’s a bit crass but bear with me.

    “I would call you a cunt, but you lack the depth and warmth.”

  31. “Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it’s wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they’re enjoying it as well.”

    NEEEEEEED these tickets for Cape Town pppppplease 🙂

  32. Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes.

    Love his dark and almost offensive humour! I’d love to see him in Grandwest 😀

  33. How do you tell that you have a high sperm count? Your date has to chew before she swallows 😉
    As dirty as they come…just like the man himself, Jimmy Carr!!

  34. My girlfriend broke up with me because i sold her wheelchair online…. she’ll come crawling back.

  35. It’s not that I hated you for your mother’s numerous inappropriate advances on me, it’s just that I hated how you weren’t so keen on the idea.

  36. Why is it upsetting when Mexican women cheat on their husbands? Beacause they hurt the Juans they love!

  37. What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?
    .. ..
    You can’t peanut butter your dick up someones ass.

  38. I wish they would bring back kids who manually restacked bowling pins. My balls hitting them would totally turn me on!

  39. “It’s not that I hated you for your mother’s numerous inappropriate advances on me, it’s just that I hated how you weren’t so keen on the idea.”

  40. What’s the difference between a girl & a fridge….?

    a fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out!

  41. “It’s not that I hated you for your mother’s numerous inappropriate advances on me, it’s just that I hated how you weren’t so keen on the idea.”

  42. I’d like to say thank you to my skeleton for supporting me all these years… Hahahahaha ~ Cape Town tickets pls 🙂

  43. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Hahahahaha

  44. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

  45. Riaad Moosa can never be knighted… can you just imagine the queen saying “Now rise Sir Moosa”

  46. Missed him last time and to broke to see him again this time ! !

    If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

  47. If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

    Love Jimmy Carr!! What a boss!

  48. Everyone is over here like check my one liners. They seem so rich in joke knowledge, rich enough to buy tickets. Me. well lets be honest i am broke. the only entertainment i get on a weekend is downloading stand up to watch by myself. fml.

    I am not cheesy enough. the only amount of cheese i can muster up is when I look in the mirror and say to myself, you can win these tickets!Hey, who am i to dis a bree??

    #100percentoriginal #capetown #cheesyjoke

  49. Saw a poor old lady fall down the stairs this morning. Well, I’m assuming she’s poor, I only found R20 in her purse.

    GIMMIE JIMMIE CARR JHB TICKETS OR I’LL EAT YOUR SOUL!

  50. In alcohols defence I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too!

    Cape Town pretty please!!!! 😀

  51. Liked and followed, Cape Town please:

    “What’s the difference between abortion and a brick? You can’t spread a brick on toast”

  52. Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.

  53. A gift card is a great way of saying – “go buy your own fucking present”

    (cape town) 🙂 🙂 Huge JC fan <3

  54. A great slogan for a condom company would be “Dont kid yourself”

    Assassins are impressive. Its not the killing part that impresses me; its that they figured out a way to fit “ass” into the same word twice.

    I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

    Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich

    <- You see that? Yeah man, i really wan to go!!!

    Cape Town

  55. Hey Guys, seeing as the Aussies are touring SA at the moment for the cricket, im going to go with this one, keeping it “local”

    Q. How does an Australian find a sheep in tall grass?
    A. Very satisfying.

    Good Luck to all! had a good lag now at some of these comments, hahahaha!

  56. Hey Guys, seeing as the Aussies are touring SA at the moment for the cricket, im going to go with this one, keeping it “local”

    Q. How does an Australian find a sheep in tall grass?
    A. Very satisfying.

    Good Luck to all! had a good lag at some of these comments now, hahahaha!

    Thanks for the opportunity MyCityByNight, Appreciated, Would Love to see the Jimmy Carr Live in Cape Town 😉

  57. Pedophiles often have a hard time fitting in. Perhaps because they’re fucking immature assholes.

  58. You don’t know anything about pain until you’ve seen your own baby drowned in a tub… and you definitely don’t know anything about how to wash a baby.

  59. I don’t eat sesame seed buns while I work, because I don’t need an ant trail leading cops to multiple shallow graves. No prison cred if everyone thinks you enjoy warm baked goods with a slight crunch.

  60. I hate it when people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything.
    How do you know its nice to meet me?! IM AN ASSHOLE..

    JHB (:

    I HAVE TO GO TO THIS!!

  61. Why did the blonde lose the breast stroke swimming race? She didnt know she could use her hands! 🙂 cape town love. Yay!

  62. A psychic dwarf recently escaped from prison, police are looking for a small medium at large.

  63. What’s the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck. Jhb, please 😀

  64. The worst thing about being bitten by a posionous spider is that youre probably Australian” – Jimmy Carr
    Cape town!!

  65. if two tampons had the opportunity to to talk to one another i don’t think they would say anything because they both stuck up bitches

    lets go jimmmmmmmmmy

  66. “she was so fat, she was legally required to make a beeping noice when walking backwards”

  67. “If you’re waiting for my come-back, you’ll have to get it off your mother’s teeth.”

  68. What does Beer and Necrophilia have in common ? There’s just nothing like cracking open a cold one.

  69. Alcohol should be served in Capri Sun pouches.
    When you can no longer get the straw in the hole, you have had enough.

  70. I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex.

  71. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

    ‘I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was “Shout For Help”. ‘ – Jimmy Carr 🙂 🙂 🙂 piiick me <3

  72. A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

  73. Apologies for the delay peeps – The winners are: MarcelM and Steve Voigt. You’ll be receiving a mail with deets for ticket collection soon! Congrats!

  74. Two muffins in an oven, one turns to the other and says “damn, it’s hot in here”, the other replies “HOLY SHIT!! I DIDN’T KNOW MUFFINS COULD TALK!!”

Comments are closed.