Why Jacob Zuma should win the next Election


Post Apartheid South Africa: Land of the free, home of the very brave, sanctuary of the unintelligible. And on the throne of this glorious kingdom, sits a modern day Al Capone in leopard skin, commanding his loyal servants, one inarticulate speech at a time. The bumbling tumbling oligarch of 21st century Mzansi has seen us through the most rapid and steady decline, from both a moral and economical standpoint, since PW Botha released his 1980s sex tape. Unable to make any critical decisions, or take a stern and hardened stand on a pertinent issue, he has let everyone from Julius to the Unions run riot with deplorable rhetoric and uniformed political propaganda. His role as leader of the ANC sits on a clinical knife edge, where upsetting any faction of his own party could result in his dismissal, and, as a result, hes overseen the national corruption receipt tick over the 70 billion rand mark in his 3 year tenure alone. The only person to win father of the year 23 times in one year; he has become an embarrassment to all educated and logical South Africans. The ANC’s moral compass is pointing south and the once great liberation movement has an incurable viral disease.

Our only hope is change, yet our emotional voting contingent refuses to see this. The heart warming memory of victory in the struggle sees a blind allegiance to a now failed government that has spawned an average of 150 service delivery protests per day, since the beginning of 2011. With the mining sector up in more arms than a Hindu deity, our economical outlook and indeed our entire future as stable developing economy hangs by a thread. But Zuma, in his learned wisdom and intellectual prowess, sits and quietly “applies his mind” without taking any decisive action. Manguang is touted as the political Shangri-La, a saviour of the disenfranchised, when the ruling party meets for its elective conference later this year. Remember Polokwane when Mbeki got the hoof faster than a hooker at 8am? Its happening again, and ironically SA needs Zuma to win.


The two factions within the ANC are Jacobus Van Der Zuma, and Kgalema Motlanthe with Prince Malema towing his coat tails. Zuma represents a nation of corruption and maladministration, Motlanthe; the failed and incredibly unnerving ideal of nationalisation, which would see the mines (making up 18% of our GDP) and potentially our farms (providing the chicken for KFC) failing as badly as any one of our financially dismal parastatal companies. What a delightful choice us South Africans are blessed with. Both rely on populist notions that are used to spur the masses, without having any tangible effect on the ground. Both fail in a leadership capacity to steer the ANC out of the clutches of endemic corruption and lack of will to help the populace, who so desperately require salvation. The party will retain power come 2014, but it is post our next elections where true inroads for the opposition can be made.


In our last elections the DA managed to garner 25% of the vote. While this might make them the Asian penis in a Nigerian dressing room, their girth and reach is slowly growing. The ANC treat Thabo Mbeki and his cabinet as if they had nothing to do with who they are now; a distant memory. However they are one in the same, a different face, yet the same party. If Kgalema wore the crown, the same denialist attitude about Zuma would prevail among voters. If Zuma were to retain his golden throne, then a further move away from the emotional voting pattern could be seen. South Africans are unhappy; startling inequality, lack of sustainability in the job market, fucking cyclists allowed on Sea Point Promenade for fuck sakes! Zuma is the face of this discontent, and by keeping him in power we will see a stronger opposition and with it shall come a forced sense of accountability in the ANC.

The run up to Manguang has been tarred by violence, intimidation and a shower hand gesture that makes Julius look like a black flamenco dancer. What will come of it shall be a huge factor on which path our country takes over the next decade. We could be the next Zimbabwe with ease, but if Jacob takes the reins, and his second tenure is as dismal as his first, then the public might finally have enough of the corruption, misrule and maladministration and send their vote elsewhere. Without a robust opposition, our government is eating cake at our expense, yet in 2014 if they experience a substantial loss at the polls, then they might realise that a 7 Series BMW is not going to feed the poor and they will hopefully start running this country instead of ruling it.

~Stroob~

*Follow @Stroobz on Twitter as he dodges ANC hitmen, streaks through a Youth League Dinner Gala, and gives self enriching grotesque politicians a liberal brown eye.

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