Twitter in South Africa

Like with most things in the online world- everything is not exactly as it seems. Mindy, a virile buxom blonder from Arkansas is in reality probably just Faizel with the limp, from around the corner with a fresh bit of (expensive) local data loaded onto his phone. The guy with the best one-liners, jokes and pecs online is that strange kind of chubby looking bloke sitting in the corner at the party, not saying a word. I admit that I am probably a little bit guilty too- connected to the online world, with Twitter always being just a few inches away on my mobile phone… What’s that, there’s a person with a funny sounding name that just fell on her face during the steeple chase event at the Olympics?- I must tweet a suitably humerous response… but it is this type of experience that really has proved to be invaluable in assessing whether someone is indeed worth a follow.

The South African Twitter landscape is quite a unique one, populated by people from varying walks of life, banging out tweets to President Jacob Zuma from their informal settlements to Houghton mansions. It reminds me a whole lot of MIRC chat rooms, except for the fact that you don’t need to dial up using a 56k modem and also now just have one big chatroom- more accessible to all. So who should you follow?In order to make better sense of matters and look at who to follow I’ve divided Twitter up into the following very broad categories:

*insert month* playmate

You know I have so much respect for what you girls do, I mean only the sacred few get to take their clothes off for a living. Expect to see: pictures of these Twitter users naked, in fields… frequent retweets of anything nice said about them and if you’re really lucky, you might even get to see their vagina (You know who you are- you get a big tisk for WILLINGLY putting your vajayjay on the internet for every perve to see). It’s entertaining to follow these mooiness for a number of reasons. Really, there just too many to mention here, now. Also my fingers are tired.

My Body is my Hobbie

These are the fitness enthusiasts of the South Africa, who feel the need to share all of their experiences to with the Twitter World. “I just hopped down 3 flights of stairs, one-legged! #kettlebells”. Although I do find the Olympics quite inspiring, you peeps aren’t exactly Usain Bolt. I follow these people to remind me how kiff my own life is.

Opinionated Bloggers

The center of the online universe… or so they would have you believe. Great for writing the occassional piece about something really interesting, for the most part they just bitch about brands and each other all day long. Following these boys and girls will keep you in the know about everything from where to go and what to eat while providing an insight to how many of them actually need a great deal of therapy.

Wanna be Bloggers

These are the people who joined the bandwagon just too late, having missed out on the chance to be really, really cool online. They’re the guys that invested in the bubble just before it burst, just their bubble is blogging. Following some wanna-be-bloggers will remind you to always try harder, because nobody likes to be nobody.

Fan stands for FANATIC

Sport tweets all day long. Like all day. About the same team. Only follow these people if you support the same team or like making fun of the team that they support.

The Followers

Although its nice to have a couple of extra followers, truth of the matter is that a great portion of South African Twitter users have tweet-mutism. They just sit there watching conversations unfold between other people, never ever once thinking to retweet or even join a conversation about the weather, sex, or food themselves. One way interaction isn’t exactly my thing.


There are no fucking SA celebs. Move on.


The moral compasses of Twitter. Or differently put these ladies and women serve as a “what not to do on Twitter” guide. Calling people refugees or speaking about women negatively, probably not the best approaches to social media… Hey you live and you learn.

I’m just happy to chat to new people I don’t know without having them be in my face until I’m ready to meet them in the real world. Disappointment is a bitch.

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Im a guy with a very particular view of life... im not quite sure what that view is just yet, but when I find out I'll be sure to let you know...


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