Tips that will save your life at Earthdance By Stroobz


<img class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-44659" title="Earthdance" src="http:

//www.mycitybynight.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Earthdance-650×581.jpg” alt=”” width=”610″ height=”545″ />

Through years of experience, dedicated service, and once having to ask an inbred farmer with a tractor to tow my crashed car out of a cow field while I had a dislocated knee; I have truly lived the trance party experience. I’ve had come-ups, come-downs, hangovers and pregnancy scares and although my battle wounds still remain fresh in my mind’s eye, I have come out the other end of the rabbit hole, with a tie-dyed crown to prove it. And now with the introduction of “Embarrassing Outdoor Photos” finding solace through a group on Facebook, I have come up with a selection of tips and hints to avoid a cataclysmic zombie apocalypse ruining any chance of you being able to chew your meat on National Braai Day. Follow this guide to the letter, and I guarantee you a good time, with at least most of your limbs intact.

  • One cap is enough. Although the pay off line for Omo might speak to keeping your linen pearly white, this also applies to not letting the base of your tongue cross paths with your eye socket. MDMA has become an undoubtedly heavy hitter during the carnal rage of dance floor antics, and while you might think that chowing the rush like sherbet will lead you to having a good time, your face will distort, your memory will disappear and you will probably end up gnawing on a small child’s arm. This is unattractive. If your eyeballs are trying to see out the back of your head, re-evaluate yourself as a human.
  • Don’t wear fancy clothes. Go to the back of your closet, find that old top you bought during your rebellious teenage years when cough medicine was all the rage, and put it on guilt free. It will be covered in mud, blood and a myriad of other fluids come Sunday evening, and you’ll look like a bit of a prat rocking a Guess V-neck top anyway. Once you arrive at the party, find an 18 year old impressionable blonde woman (Alllllright) and ask her for luminous paint or stickers. All of them have some, don’t ever let her tell you otherwise.
  • Do not buy any “awesome new highs” from a hippy salesman while inside. Whether it be natural, chemical, or just something smoked out of a glass pipe. This will go one of two ways: either nothing will happen, yet you will constantly be on the dancefloor saying (and even forcing yourself to believe)“It’s like totally starting to work now bru”. Or you will regain consciousness, completely naked and miles from the party trying to evade capture from a sexually inquisitive bear. And those guys play rough.
  • Drink loads of water. Staying hydrated will not only allow you to party for longer, but will also help you avoid those crusty little white patches that form on the corners of your mouth. Those are about as attractive as Jonah Hill in a threesome, where all three people are Jonah Hill. Let’s be honest, sobriety and trance parties aren’t good chommies, and the best way to avoid the violent consequences of the aftermath, is to hydrate and stay cool.
  • Sun Tan cream is your best friend. A day in the sun, especially when your epidermis isn’t used to it, can leave you sore, blistered and looking like The Situation covered in beetroot. I once got so burnt even the palms of my hands were pealing, and in a world where the only thing that helps a come down is a good ol fashion power wank, this isn’t a good thing.

So there you have it folks, a simple yet effective formula to achieving maximum fun, with minimal dire consequences. Either way you look t it, Monday isn’t going to be a good time, and if youre going home to your parents remember to bath in ice and take off the shirt that says “Fuck Milk… Got Acid?”. You laugh, but I’ve learnt the hard way so you don’t have to.

~Stroob~

*Follow @Stroobz as he struggles to keep down food until the Thursday after the party, and takes a bet as to whether his car can float in the river.Rich Text AreaToolbarBold (Ctrl + B)Italic (Ctrl + I)Strikethrough (Alt + Shift + D)Unordered list (Alt + Shift + U)Ordered list (Alt + Shift + O)Blockquote (Alt + Shift + Q)Align Left (Alt + Shift + L)Align Center (Alt + Shift + C)Align Right (Alt + Shift + R)Insert/edit link (Alt + Shift + A)Unlink (Alt + Shift + S)Insert More Tag (Alt + Shift + T)Proofread WritingToggle fullscreen mode (Alt + Shift + G)Show/Hide Kitchen Sink (Alt + Shift + Z)Iframe Embed For YoutubeAdd video by using ProPlayerInsert Poll
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Through years of experience, dedicated service, and once having to ask an inbred farmer with a tractor to tow my crashed car out of a cow field while I had a dislocated knee; I have truly lived the trance party experience. I’ve had come-ups, come-downs, hangovers and pregnancy scares and although my battle wounds still remain fresh in my mind’s eye, I have come out the other end of the rabbit hole, with a tie-dyed crown to prove it. And now with the introduction of “Embarrassing Outdoor Photos” finding solace through a group on Facebook, I have come up with a selection of tips and hints to avoid a cataclysmic zombie apocalypse ruining any chance of you being able to chew your meat on National Braai Day. Follow this guide to the letter, and I guarantee you a good time, with at least most of your limbs intact.
One cap is enough. Although the pay off line for Omo might speak to keeping your linen pearly white, this also applies to not letting the base of your tongue cross paths with your eye socket. MDMA has become an undoubtedly heavy hitter during the carnal rage of dance floor antics, and while you might think that chowing the rush like sherbet will lead you to having a good time, your face will distort, your memory will disappear and you will probably end up gnawing on a small child’s arm. This is unattractive. If your eyeballs are trying to see out the back of your head, re-evaluate yourself as a human.
Don’t wear fancy clothes. Go to the back of your closet, find that old top you bought during your rebellious teenage years when cough medicine was all the rage, and put it on guilt free. It will be covered in mud, blood and a myriad of other fluids come Sunday evening, and you’ll look like a bit of a prat rocking a Guess V-neck top anyway. Once you arrive at the party, find an 18 year old impressionable blonde woman (Alllllright) and ask her for luminous paint or stickers. All of them have some, don’t ever let her tell you otherwise.
Do not buy any “awesome new highs” from a hippy salesman while inside. Whether it be natural, chemical, or just something smoked out of a glass pipe. This will go one of two ways: either nothing will happen, yet you will constantly be on the dancefloor saying (and even forcing yourself to believe)“It’s like totally starting to work now bru”. Or you will regain consciousness, completely naked and miles from the party trying to evade capture from a sexually inquisitive bear. And those guys play rough.
Drink loads of water. Staying hydrated will not only allow you to party for longer, but will also help you avoid those crusty little white patches that form on the corners of your mouth. Those are about as attractive as Jonah Hill in a threesome, where all three people are Jonah Hill. Let’s be honest, sobriety and trance parties aren’t good chommies, and the best way to avoid the violent consequences of the aftermath, is to hydrate and stay cool.
Sun Tan cream is your best friend. A day in the sun, especially when your epidermis isn’t used to it, can leave you sore, blistered and looking like The Situation covered in beetroot. I once got so burnt even the palms of my hands were pealing, and in a world where the only thing that helps a come down is a good ol fashion power wank, this isn’t a good thing.

So there you have it folks, a simple yet effective formula to achieving maximum fun, with minimal dire consequences. Either way you look t it, Monday isn’t going to be a good time, and if youre going home to your parents remember to bath in ice and take off the shirt that says “Fuck Milk… Got Acid?”. You laugh, but I’ve learnt the hard way so you don’t have to.
~Stroob~
*Follow @Stroobz as he struggles to keep down food until the Thursday after the party, and takes a bet as to whether his car can float in the river.
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Comments 7

  1. So let me get this straight, you have only “lived” a trance party experience once you’ve crashed your car, had a pregnancy scare and taken MDMA? Sorry but that is not “living” a trance party, but more like everything that is currently wrong with the current state of these parties.
    To me this sounds more like talk of the current “lumo generation” of trance party people that basically goto these parties, with guys loving to take their shirts off to put their 4-time-a-week gym sessions into use while carrying a condom in their wallet incase they get lucky – then the girls in bikinis at 3am in the morning, lumo paint everywhere, struggling with the copious amounts of MD they’ve taken. Try talk to any of them about the music and they will go on about how AMAZING Orca is yet will not be able to name one of his other tracks other than Sad Movies.

    The party scene at the moment is still pretty cool but its completely different to how it use to be. The old school parties and the current ones each have their pros and cons, but frankly these days its more about the “party” element and to see how many drugs you can take. People seem to be going to a trance party on the weekends these days instead of going to Tiger Tiger really and with the lumo generation loving their dubstep these days, I wonder if its just a matter of time before psytrance is replaced with dub (wont ever happen, but its a thought).

    1. Jeez bro, take a deep breath, not really worth getting so wound up by something that is obviously just for a laugh is it? Reality is (and i far from approve) but the idealistic “love everyone” approach of yester year is so dead and buried its scary. Scenes evolve and change and its not what it was and never will be again. If you cant laugh at it and enjoy it in your own right then I guess thats your problem. If you notice i actually condemn taking drugs?

      Getting all possessive over a scene is childish, its a party at the end of the day and organizers have commercialized it as much as possible for profit. Im just laughing at the repercussions. Just cause i dont have dreads and wear a hessian pancho doesnt mean i dont belong there either. But to go from this article to lamenting Tiger Tiger patrons seems a massive stretch.

  2. Great read Stroobz! made me giggle 🙂 Everyone has their own rules and standards when it comes to trance events and I’m all for the whole PLUR thing, but don’t hate on other people because of the way they party, leave them be. If they interact with you in a way you don’t like, sort it out or walk away. It’s as easy as that. We are all different. (Just my 2c) peace <3

  3. Simon, you are part of the reason the scene is being corrupted.

    instead of moaning about how the scene has changed, embrace the change and try help guide it.

    you are a so annoying with your negativity

    please dont come

  4. I hate to say it, cause I am a fan, but the pieces u are putting out have been weak of late… Almost dare I say ‘mahala-ish’ and uninspired!

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