This is a true story NSFW (maybe)


From time to time I have been known to over-exaggerate certain elements of a story to make it more entertaining to read about. Upfront I would just like to say, that the following is story is 100% true- even though it might sound completely nuts it did actually happen this week (you are never safe).

Last night while catching up with my mooiness Stacey Norman over dinner, she started telling me a rather fascinating story about a guy that did some really strange stuff to a friend of a friend.

There was this woman who had for whatever reason become somewhat reserved in the way that she interacted with sex, nudity and the touchy-fondly that goes along with most of what we do as humans. Some may even call her a prude, but that’s neither here nor there. This woman, lets call her Jane, then decided that it was maybe time to get out and do some more social things. Amazingly, she decided that trail-biking would be a good way to stay fit and maybe meet a guy who should hang out with out socially while getting her life in order- no weirdness, just platonic hanging out.

She then met this guy who was also a trail biker in her group, lets call him John. John was a born again Christian and was really into sex before marriage and was thus exactly what Jane was looking for right now. They exchanged numbers and started texting each other, innocently. The innocence soon disappeared like a drunk driver from the scene of a crash.

One night, John sent Jane a picture of his penis. She was mortified, given her stance on kinky stuff. The next day he apologised and blamed the incident on abuse of the Devil’s plaything, alcohol. He was still a Christian though, so was all about the forgiveness and as such proceeded to beg for absolution for his indiscretion. At the next bike meet, John managed to catch up to Jane on his bike to further apologise. Clearly weirded out by all of this, Jane just agreed that all was good- taking the first turn off the trail possible.

The next Saturday, John sent her something else. An iphone video of him wanking. BUT here’s the really crazy part. He photoshopped the video so that his penis had blonde hair and a fire under the shaft with this accompanying message:

LOOK IT”S JUST LIKE YOU.

Ok. What the fuck. Dude… how did you think that this wasnt going to come out?

 

 

Im a guy with a very particular view of life... im not quite sure what that view is just yet, but when I find out I'll be sure to let you know...

Comments 2

  1. I have no words, except these…. and they don’t seem to be enough. I’m going to stop talking now.

    1. I would never have believed it if I hadn’t seen the it with my own eyes. Unfortunately it can never be unseen…

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