This Article Will Objectify Women


One of the more vexing problems that puzzled me throughout childhood was where to hide my porn mags. One might think that the over used palpable arena beneath my mattress would have sufficed, but my mother was a sly old bat. Ultimately, the safest deadbolt was between the pages of my Children’s Britannica Encyclopaedias. Smack bang in the section on correct table manners, lay a singular Hustler; her pages embarrassingly stuck together and worn. I knew each of those girls literally back to front. I knew that Brandy, from Santa Monica liked playing chess on rainy days, and anal. I knew that Sheniqua from Orlando had a cute little beauty spot above her right hip, and a meticulously kept uterine wall. These were the goddesses of my 13 year old kingdom, and I was its furiously masturbating king. I wasn’t some chauvinistic prick who beat chicks if my shoes didn’t exude the right amount of shine, I praised these Amazonian wonders. So it was with a slight sense of “What the fuck is this bitch on” when a friend of mine challenged the recent Maxim hot 100 as a complete dogmatic objectification of the female race. As soon as a woman’s looks are a defining factor in your assertion on who she is as a whole, then her worth is devalued? Bullshit.

I notice that any cry of sexism never ululates from the mouth of men. When People Magazine published its “Top100 Sexiest men alive” edition, I didn’t see a bunch of unshaven beer drinking machos condemning the publication for viewing males as pieces of meat. “We’re people too girls, we have brains and personalities. We are not just dicks with rock hard abs, ok?” But are we, as men, merely ok with being objectified? If a legion of pillow fighting blonde women were clambering around People to view my bronzed up nips on a Malibu beach, I would be fucking honoured. I wouldn’t think that they didn’t appreciate my academic prowess, because sometimes it’s ok to perv a bit. If I had become fit and sexy enough to be published topless then chances are I’m healthy too; don’t hate because I choose not to eat carbs. Which sparks the real question in all of this; have you ever seen a hot feminist?

The archetypal hairy under-armed lesbo, who’s massively into gardening and carpentry, is the largest critic of Maxim’s holy grail. “Why should we all aspire to society’s idea of beauty?” Well, you shouldn’t, and I don’t think that the magazine is saying that. But there will always be men out there, who crave a sneaky look into the forbidden pasture, and your over-forested poonani isn’t necessarily the flavour of the day; this doesn’t mean you aren’t a nice person. A quick glance through the top100 leaves the reader aware that 95% of the professions on display rely on looks. Models, actresses, performers all have a career intrinsically related to their appearance. Do we look at Forbes list of top100 creatives and chastise them for “objectifying my mind”? You know I’m more than just my mind right? “I’m a moderately sized penis and solid two-pack as well, jeez.”

At the end of the day, looks are the tools of these girls’ trade. They need large exposure to further their careers. If you, as a reader, are dumb enough to read a magazine and idolise someone based solely on their looks then it is you who are doing the objectification, not Maxim who simply rewards pretty looking girls for being photographed well. Guys are genetically engineered to hump everything. They will find material that helps the act of “palm love making” any way they can, you can’t change society, and frankly Maxim’s attempt at providing masturbatory material is shocking. These girls exist and the publication is merely giving them a greater platform, its up to you to find out who the girls are away from the glitz, lights and photoshopped boobs. Its really nothing for global feminists to be too concerned about. Lets look at domestic abuse, rape and the hindrance to female success in the workplace, or better yet… have you ever seen a naked one armed midget swallow a whole cantelope? Now there’s objectification worthy of worry.


*Follow @Stroobz on Twitter as he fights for male rights around the globe and shows a couple of great designs for the male bikini wax industry.

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  1. “I’m not some chauvinistic prick” immediately followed by “what the fuck is this bitch on”? That’s like saying “I’m a racist. What the fuck is wrong with this k*ffir who claims I am?” Really hate to break this to you, but “doesn’t beat women” is not the all-encompassing definition of “not-a-chauvinist”.

    Don’t get me wrong. I agree with the basic point that the Maxim hot 100 is not objectifying to women, but wow, you’re not doing that point any favours.

    1. As i responded to ur tweet, the humour lies in the contradiction. It was an intended over bearing act of aggression, in a response to what i saw was a bloated ridiculous statement. Thus mimicking her apparent discontent with the top100. It was completely intentional and i stand by it. If you feel I am not doing my point any favours, would it be simply from that statement that you completely misconstrued, or is there another part of the article where you would like that you would like to explain to you?

      Damn women…. (in an obviously sarcastic joke, in case you didnt pick that up)

      1. Jeez, sorry, last sentance made no sense. “Is there another part of the article that you would like me to explain to you?”

  2. Hey Stroobs you self-professed jerk-off. “Lets look at domestic abuse, rape and the hindrance to female success in the workplace”. Maybe if there was such a thing as female on male rape, man-beating and women earning more than men in the workplace then men, some guys would write and complain about People’s Top 100 Sexiest Men Alive- you meathead prick. At least one thing’s for sure, you think with your dick alot more than with your brain- and that’s something us ‘bitches’ will always know how to use against you. And hot feminists? I think I’m pretty bangin’ and I definitely shave my armpits- yet another retarded generalization that all girls with brains are ugly. I take comfort in the fact that you’ll never even be able to touch one women as hot as the one’s in Maxim that you drool over- and they know it too.

    1. Haha, love it! I was serious when i said that true feminism is about dealing with actual issues and not worrying about Maxim. Maxim isnt perpetuating rape or underpayed chicks, that was the essence of what Im saying, I just never personally insulted anyone with your eloquence. “Meat headed prick”? Brilliant, insulting yet still PG13 enough to keep your dignity, well played. Maybe if you werent the over sensitive nut case that i chastise in this article you would actually be able to see that Im on your side, and you just like arguing because how dare anyone actually trample or question any bush in your hallowed ground of Feminism!

      Bullshit, im proud to be a man and thats not a sin, and that doesnt mean im against feminist values. Also, I have a smoking hot girlfriend that could tear the shit out of any one of those Maxim girls. So “neh neh”.

      1. Hey Kim,
        It’s also probably worth noting that female on male rape is a very real (and very under-reported) thing that leaves it’s victims with a great amount of psychological trauma.

        Actually come to think of it so is man-beating – though most seam to classify it as domestic abuse. “Man beating” is particularly difficult for victims to deal with due to social stigma.

        In both of these cases there are strong legal and social double standards that serve to protect female perpetrators.

        Oh, and a self actualized feminist probably wouldn’t use the term “jerk-off” as a derogatory term – as they would realize that masturbation is not something to be ashamed of and is very much a part of a healthy sex-life (and something that should be socially acceptable for both men and women to admit to in the year 2012).

  3. Wow, what a good angle “Stroobz”. I surprised you could keep your hand off your dick long enough to write this article!

  4. Oh Stroobzie Stroobz, you crack me up. Oh behalf of ALL women, ok, maybe just the hot ones- because they’re the only ones that count, I’d like to thank you for standing up for us and for being on our side and pleading our case! We really need all the help we can get and you sure as shit have not done any damage, perpetuated any stereotypes or insulted women at all in the process. “Over-sensitive nutcase.” I’d call that a personal insult, no? I wasn’t the one who felt the need to write a whole aricle defending my holy grail of spank bank material, but I digress. Don’t really give a shit about Maxim, not nearly as much as you. I would say that spanking to pornography since you were 13 has definitely given you a majorly skewed perception on women and I’m sure you think us ladies think it’s cute that you adored your porn stars so much- except that your adoration was only for their open vaginas on a 2 page spread, not the woman herself. Just so you know, that is what is categorized as “objectification of women” and guess what causes date rape, wife-beating, crotch-grabbing at clubs, annoying animal-like groans of desire on the sidewalk, men to undervalue women in the workplace and whiney, entitled articles like this? Ding ding ding ding! You guessed it. I’m amazed you didn’t make that correlation yourself while writing your textbook expository of a maligned masogonist’s quest for validation over the evil feminists. It’s basically the same old bullshit girls hear everyday of how “Sexism doesn’t exist, bitches”. I don’t have to be Chris-Browned to be discriminated against. You basically Mad-Menned yourself and managed to show your favour of topless models and porn stars and your disdain for females that complain or have anything to say that would threaten your right to want to ‘hump everything is in sight’. You made about as much sense as a black member of the KKK. It’s (and I repeat) meat-heads like you who perpetuate the belief that only ugly, hairy, ‘lesbos’ can be feminists because they’re bitter that they don’t have what it takes to be ogled, drooled and whistled over. Because that is all any chick worth her salt would want. I have such a bad day when I don’t feel like every perve in Spar wants to hump me sensless. And since when is ‘Feminist’ a derogatory term? Sniff sniff, me thinks me smells a delluded 21st century chauvinist who can’t tell his ass from his elbow.

  5. Hahaha! This banter is awesome. Kim, you should have a column on this page. Stroobz does, on the other hand, paint all guys to be horny dogs which unfortunately does us a great dis-service sometimes. I for one find brains and a sense of humour pretty fuckin hot! So even if you are ugly kim, i don’t care!

  6. This article is based on completely unfounded information: There is no chance in hell Stroob only had one Hustler as a kid.

    Loved it Stroobs 🙂

  7. you know why women have noses… . . . so they can breath while they sucking your dick. touche. gossip boy x0x0

  8. R.E. KIM:

    Firstly you can’t talk on (all) women’s perceptive because (each to their own) personally I am not offended in any way shape or form, by this article, but I find it entertaining & well written (thanks Kyle Stroebel) In my opinion any “feminist” wasting this much time for an article like this, obviously has their priorities fucked up!!!

    Stroobz writing never fails to entertain & amaze!

  9. Stroobz…as a guy i get what you saying but Kim, i love you girl! Wow! Now i definitely want to read more from Kim. You need a column ftw!!!

  10. Wow ok. So a hot woman not espousing feminist values does not necessarily mean she doesn’t have them. It’s called the patriarchal bargain.

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