The Friendzone (& how to escape it)

I know this one guy who drives this girl everywhere. He buys her flowers (the kind you can smoke), makes sure that she’s always got a drink and listens to stories about how difficult her life can be sometimes. Strangely though, this guy isn’t her boyfriend.

I’ve been there myself, so have a BUNCH of guys. So why would anyone allow themselves to slide into the friendzone? Well to begin with, it’s not always entirely your fault. For most mooiness, sex does not occur in isolation. It is more often than not lumped together with a mind-boggling array of emotions which make the task of “just bonking your mate” a near impossibility. Enter the friendzone- the imaginary bit of space where guys are forced to continue being supportive and understanding toward women with no reward of fringe sex benefits in sight.

Most guys aren’t able to process the logic behind separating friendship from sexual intimacy. If we like you, chances are we’d love to show you how much we love you between the sheets at the detriment of our jaw muscles.

To a woman, the straight male friend is really like hitting the lotto twice. Said female is able to reap all the benefits of having a man around (someone to lift heavy things, beat-people up, give solid logical advice, braai things etc) without the emotional turmoil that sex and intimacy with a friend brings to the table. It’s red or it’s green with most girls out there- either you’re going to be a lover or you’re going to be a friend and once you’ve been relegated to the friendzone it’s very difficult to escape.

Another area of contention, where many guys come short is the delusion that by being a uber mooiness’ friend and confidant, they will sneak around the back/key in the secret sex cheat (triangle, square, triangle, down, circle), lodging firmly in that girl’s heart/underpants. Unfortunately, this only works in romantic comedies starring Hugh Grant- you’re going to bed with only your hand as company “friend”.

Are you in denial? Here are some ways to tell if you are in the “friendzone”:

you’re in the friendzone if…

  • The girl you like refers to you as “Friend” whenever she gets the chance. “How are you, friend?” “Nice day today, Friend”- you get the point
  • You are referred to as a brother, a nice guy or someone who “really understands” her
  • She tells you about her man problems and then asks for advice
  • You actually build up the courage to ask her out and then she responds by saying something like: “I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship”. Give up dude, eternal damnation for you

how to avoid/escape the friendzone…

There is a train of thought amongst guys that advocates that once you’re inside the friendzone it is impossible to get out (similar to the predicament of anyone who’s had their penis even near Kim Kardashian’s vagina). It’s not easy, but not impossible. Here are a few tips.

Hang out with other women

If she ever had an inclining of sexual attraction to you this may be enough to irritate her into considering you to share her bed.

Be less available

Don’t be there at her every beck and call- take some time to get back to her texts. Don’t answer her calls and let it go to voicemail- when you eventually return her call tell her you weren’t able to answer because you were having sex with another mooiness.

Beat her to the “I just want to be friends” speech

Most girls will realize that you want to drink from their furry cups and may immediately place you in the friendzone- if you reject her sexually, first, this once again may be enough to irritate her into having sex with you.

If she responds positively, go Keanu Reeves crazy

The idea here is to keep her on her toes. Don’t just cave in and be that nice guy. Pee on her grandmother, set her cat on fire and then end the week off with her favourite flowers and dinner somewhere romantic. Nothing says “keep shagging me” like a little bit of crazy and unpredictability.

I do understand that this entire article is based on the premise that all men only want sex from women so it may be a little biased. I also just realized, my wall isn’t grey, it’s mélange.

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Im a guy with a very particular view of life... im not quite sure what that view is just yet, but when I find out I'll be sure to let you know...


    1. No ways, that’s crazy! Obviously we’ve been thinking about the same poor guy…

  1. Also important is not getting into the friend zone. How do we land up there? By being a friend. If you want to shag a girl, then grow a pair and act like it. Better yet, go and do it. Don’t be ashamed if she shoots you down. So she likes ginger amputees, and that’s just not you. NEXT!

    1. That’s it Matt, the worst that can happen is her saying no. You need to be strong and recognise there are plenty of other fish in the sea

  2. Im just going to add its possible to get out of the friend zone…

    Lets just say some alcohol may have helped.

  3. This doesn’t just work to get out of the friendzone, it also works pretty well when your trying to snag a chick that’s not 100% into you… Just saying, the whole “Chicks love what they cant have” is true in most cases 🙂

  4. The friendzone can be a good tactic for some, a lot of chicks think being best friends is an important stepping stone into a long term relationship. So become best friends, get her drunk as hell, wreck that shit, and then cheers, see you later ‘buddy’!!!!

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