South Africa loves a good F*&K

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I like to hark back to the times of past; when life was simple, the air was clean, I was 13, and the biggest stress I had to endure was growing underarm hair before an inter-house gala. Where toilet humour reigned with a vicious wrath and girls were spitefully icky. We were seated around the Hanukah table, reformedly getting our Jew-on, when a young ginger cousin, still in the throes of learning his first words, bellowed a loud “Fuck” for no discernable reason. Our matzo balls collectively dropped. This cute, loveable, innocent toddler bypassed the clichéd “Mommy” “Daddy” “Car” “Duck” and went straight for the language of a bearded biker heathen. Much to our aunt’s dismay, the table erupted into laughter. This of course elicited rampant repetition, and before we knew it this 18 month old was sounding like Jenna Jameson in a cameo role. And while no mother would want their new born dropping F-Bombs at a religious gathering, there was no malice or spite intended. He wasn’t getting a nipple ring or smoking cigarettes; it was an innocent playful chant. However, while listening to Gareth Cliff’s show this morning, Casper De Vries, his in-studio guest, dropped a series of “Fucks”. I could hear Cliff’s skin crawling up his pale backside with each use of the famed word, and I started to think: Why?

Now Gareth, being known for his controversial views, witty banter and chinless physique, has often found himself in hot water for broadcast indiscretions. Thus his panicked voice, which had now increased in pitch, as if his testicles were in the firm grasp of Ukrainian hammer-thrower, subliminally said “Fuck, not again”. He alluded to the BCCSA, the governmental association that lets old begrudged white people phone in and bitch whenever programming features anything more offensive than kittens playing with yarn, and how their firm hand would sternly spank his bottom. And so I decided to take a look into what constitutes a violation of “The Code”; a law concocted by 18th century Voortrekkers to protect the ears and eyes of our youth from any non-biblical heretics like the evil incarnate; Gareth Cliff.

The code of conduct does indeed state, according to section 6 paragraph 10 (Boom. Lawyered.) that no offensive language, including profanity, maybe broadcast during a period that might have a significant child audience without a prior age restriction being given and not during watershed hours. As it stands, it is wrong. Fine. But the author of esteemed inserts such as “Angry Black Poetry” and “Pieter De Villiers reads 50 shades of Grey” only seems to bite the bullet for singular words, rather than content. In a world where even Muslim clerics are saying “shit”, and Mitt Romney can call his opponents “pussies”, why is the only sacred tomb, never to be indulged, the word “Fuck”?

With its assemblage of various uses and definitions the word has wormed its way into common practice, to the point where even my CEO will exclaim “That’s fucking great”. I’m not saying we should abscond from all moral values, but it is one of the most commonly used words and by simply banning the broadcasting, it creates an almost ignorant appreciation of what society really involves. We aren’t poisoning the minds of our youth; we have Justin Bieber playing badminton and Oprah Winfrey in jeggings for that, we are being honest and appreciative of what the big wide world really includes. If it’s appropriate for a blonde primary school teacher to seductively roll a condom down a banana, then it’s ok to teach the application of a word they will be exposed to daily.

It can be used in an offensive way and if we teach children the difference between calling someone a “Fucking Prick” and “Fuck, I pricked my finger” then they have a cognisance of if, and when, to use it. We so often talk about moral decay in this country, yet when our president is sleeping with his best friend’s children out of wedlock and protesters are being shot in their droves, then lambasting ‘ol Gareth for using a non-offensive figure of speech seems trivial. Gareth you fucking legend, I’m behind you on this one. Just don’t, whatever your little blonde haired blue eyed mouth does, say “cunt”. Bitches hate “cunts”.


*Follow @Stroobz on twiiter as he revels in the power of words, and teaches an adorable toddler how to apply a condom.

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