There are few items in an astute younger male’s spectrum that are required to make us happy. Infact, I can count them on my right hand; Beers, Boobs, Burgers, Bokke and…. Masturbation. And while only 4 out of 5 of those are attainable at Cape Town’s most recent venture into the world of “Good things to come out of America”, they do them oh so well!
While Hooters has had Durbanites and Vaalies on their knees for quite some time, Cape Town has been lackadaisical as ever in establishing our own franchise. However this apathy has abandoned the Cape brethren, and Edward Street in Durbanville plays host to a place where men can be men, the steaks are fresh and the prawns aren’t only on the menu! The typical motifs that have turned Hooters into a global icon are seen in enormity down here… literally theyre almost all Double D. The typical blondes in skimpy outfits, the trademark washline where they clip your order on and fling it into the kitchen, heck even the beers are grandiose; and its all a formula for success.
The place was packed and it was 3 o clock in the afternoon. So naturally the vibe was growing faster than your average patron’s crotch. The walls are all immaculately finished in a wooden veneer and plasma screens, with all the live sport, adorn any inkling of free space. Ironic signs are littered around the entire establishment, including an oddly confusing one that reads “Caution: Boobs”. Now I’ve been dealing with boobs for sometime, and never have I had to use any sort of caution, but I do like to live dangerously.
Once the four of us men were shown to our seats, “Roxy”, a gorgeously petit ‘lil firecracker, brought us beers in mugs big enough to quench the thirst of any man. These flowed steadily throughout the day, occasionally spilling upon the white Hooters tops. This prompted the second most sexy thing a woman can ever say while dabbing her newly moistened bosom “Oh My, how clumsy of me”. Boing!! And just as we were tucking our hard-ons behind our belt buckles, the food arrived.
We started with a platter marinated in their trademark Daytona sauce. Now my blood was pumping in one very definite direction, and it wasn’t my mouth, yet all of a sudden my tastebuds somehow knew the moves to the Macarena and were executing it to perfection. The prawns were weirdly outstanding, the famous chicken wings were so good chickens will eventually become extinct in my quest for more, and their burgers were large, juicy and made the drive out to the Boerwors curtain worth it for the first time ever.
Its funny because it is almost impossible to put into words the true Hooters experience. If Zulu Kids are going out and dying in initiation school, instead of going here and becoming a real man, then the world is a savage place I don’t want to be apart of. Will I be back? Ive never been so sure of anything in my life. It takes everything that I love in life and puts it in a room. Hang Julius Malema from one of the light fittings and I would have blown a lid. Well done on a great job, and I’ll see you for lunch every day for the next month.
Oh and we struggled to find a contact number so here it is: