Protea Hotels Fire & Ice Anti Hotel, Hotel | Review

This weekend I decided to pop around to the Protea Hotel Group’s Fire and Ice Hotel in x Cape Town to check out whether all the hype around how awesome it was, was actually justified.

From the moment I walked through the door I was rather impressed by the level of service and the fact that the rather helpful chick at the front asked whether I was “The Ricky Bynight from MyCityByNight”- I mean shit- thats one way to give me an instant boner (eh maybe not the best choice of words). After getting the low-down on all the amenities, which included a gym, swimming pool and an utterly ridiculous restaurant with a semi-submerged Khoi pond running along an entire wall- my date & I decided to saunter down from our top floor superior room (hehe- living the dream) to hit the bar and check out all the much talked about themed bathrooms (mind out the gutter).

I was in the mood to get a little bit boozy (which is different to normal, ha) and so I decided to order a vanilla and ginger infused Long Island Ice tea, while my mooiness went for a Pear Puree, Gin & Champagne vibe. I really have to say that my Long Island was the best I’ve ever tasted- I’m definately going to be back there for an after work drink ASAP. As is the natural progression with things I eventually needed to use the bathroom, which gave me the opportunity to check out the themed bathrooms- what a complete lag!!! With names like Stage Fright and Lou Roles you can imagine what the interior of these relief centers looked like- actually just have a look at the pics (yes I did my camera into the bathroom with me).

This tongue-in-cheek theme and take on hotels and the service industry is carried out through the entire hotel with themed elevators, multi-coloured porno-esque lighting in the showers & super funny hotel etiquette instructions in the rooms. There was even a dedicated “Coughin Room”- otherwise known as the smoking room where you could enjoy an eintjie while surrounded by coffins & people looking down into a grave painted on the ceiling above… Mmm pass another Marlboro there. Thank you.

The menu available at The Fire & Ice Hotel, was- DELECTABLE – to put it mildly… I seriously urge you to go and have a munch there, you wont be sorry. They’ve got even got a purely South African section in the menu that offers up a unique twist on things like the traditional tripe dish and a whole bunch of naughty names for the meals on offer. Before I forget, its rather imperative that I mention the milkshakes available at the hotel which pretty much could serve as a meal for an entire Somalian village for a year, based on their sheer size. With freshly prepared ingredients that would blow any diet straight out of the water (think Bar One, Oreo, Banana, etc) these milkshakes are out of this freaking world- I felt like a rolly-poley after consuming just a half-pint desert vibe.

After retiring to the room with a fairly epic view- I decided to test the “bouncyness” (my personal scale of bed awesomeness) of the bed out- I was somewhat upset to say that this was the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in (bleak because mine isnt anywhere NEAR as comfy). I felt super spoiled with high thread count bedding and pillow vibes and was more than excited about the fact that I could roll over about 14 times before I reached the edge of the bed (nothing to do with how little I am).


I’ve gotta say, I was more than impressed with the level of service and actual hotel experience on offer at the 4 star  Fire & Ice Hotel and really would recommend it to any of you Alumni who arent in the mood for an arsey full of shit overnighter in a quality establishment.

To book, check out the Protea Hotels site and possibly consider getting a Gold Prokard as part of the deal (super discounts on stays and up to 50% of any meals at the restaurant- what a win!!!!).

MyCityByNight… Who.What.Where.When

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  1. Stayed at Fire & Ice, Cape Town a few times before the refurb and even then it was supe awesome. Being in the industry it is do easy to find fault but expectations were always exceeded…always 🙂 Great review!

  2. would you be even more impressed to know that it is actually 3 stars and not 4???

    1. what??!! Seriously? Sure I sure a 4 star rating somewhere on the wall. Oh well- thats super impressive 🙂

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