Prison… your home away from home

Keen to go on a murderous rampage? Well before you go out and stock up on arsenic, guns and a samurai sword make sure that you’re in Norway prior to going postal. You see, prison these days doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad experience that ends with you holding onto someone’s pocket (a la Teabag from Prison Break). The brand spanking new Halden Fengsel prison in Norway is a criminal’s dream come true.


It boasts running trails, rock climbing, a recording studio (for all of those gangster rap tracks) and even offers cooking courses set in a sleek facility that even Gordon Ramsey would approve of.


The prison took 10 years and $252 million to build, which is set on 75 acres of “gently sloping forest in southeastern Norway.” This prison isn’t only for hackers and toffee apple thieves either, it also houses drug dealers, rapists, murders and other assorted bad people. To avoid the prison seeming too hostile for these quite light heart and bubbly characters, one of the architects, Hans Henrik Hoilund, blocked views of the prison’s 20-foot walls with trees and a rounded concrete top. There are also a couple of rather suggestive murals scattered across the prison walls painted by graffiti artist Dolk (very similar to the famous Banksy’s work).


Once incarcerated, prisoners can enjoy flat-screen TVs and college dorm-style refrigerators, all in the comfort of their own room. The rooms also have tall, vertical windows (without bars) to let in a maximum amount of light. And for conjugal visits, inmates’ significant others can shack up in the prison’s two-bedroom house.


Sure beats our very own Pollsmoor Prison where the leader of the 28’s number gang John Mongrel most famously said without flinching to Ross Kemp when asked about having bumsex with other male inmates- “If he doesn’t want to fuck… I kill him”


Nice guy that John Mongrel…

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