Office Party Politics- Ricky’s guide

Other than the facts that I like the sound of my own voice and that the moral highground is something that I enjoy perching my butt on from time to time- much of the reason for my advice posts on MyCityByNight stems from a desire to help all of you avoid unnecessary instances of corporate or relationship sabotage- I am probably the most giving only child you’ll ever meet. This time around, I figured that I’d give the treacherous terrain of end of year office parties/work functions a gander…

Spring has Sprung, which means that the end of the year is but a couple of months away for us here in the absolutely lovely Republic of South Africa. It also means that a great deal of you will be attending an end of year function in just over 2 months or so. The office party can be event of great success along with miserable career crippling failure. I am hoping that after reading this it’s definitely not going to be the latter…

Firstly, you must always attend the party unless you have a valid clash- like your arm has been cut off and your need to get to hospital to re-attach it. In no other circumstances would it be permitted to miss a valuable opportunity to network and further your career. When you do go- arrive early, everyone will be relatively sober and still serving up from a fresh barrel of jokes.

Next up find your boss/director. Thank him/her for a fantastic afternoon and the plethora of strippers and masseuses that they have so graciously provided to entertain you. Make the chat very brief and get on to shmoozing with others. Always keep your drink in your left hand so that if you do need to shake something, you don’t offer up a soaked couple of digits- the only time lube is bad.

Speaking of wetness and drinking- I recommend that unless you have developed a tolerance to alcohol similar to that of George Best or myself, that you go slightly easy on the drinking. If you’re in the mood to be sneaky- order a vodka, soda and fresh lime without the vodka and sip leisurely on this beverage for the night. If anyone happens to taste your drink- as does happen, they wont know the difference. Its just not cricket when you end up passing out underneath a table with a sparkler sticking out your arse…

Now onto the bit that I know all of you are thinking about- CAN YOU HOOK UP? Let me paint a picture for you-

One of the places that I worked at when I was just starting out my illustrious career had a staff party where the action started before everybody even got to the venue. This one marketing co-ordinator got fingered by one of the other more senior marketing ous while on the bus!! You don’t want to be either of these 2… it’s not the best for your career, or the seats of the bus. It’s generally not a good idea to hook up with co-workers at office parties or at all for that matter, but I know that sometimes- the excitement and allure of a colleague’s inner thigh becomes to too much to resist.

If you’re single like me and feel like dipping your pen in the company ink on the day- make sure that nobody else sees and that its somewhere secret- my personal opinion is that it should be a what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas type thing… Just get it out of your system and let that be that (Check me trying to put an advert out there, hehe). Also try and ensure that the person is not your subordinate or in the same department as you- its super awkward seeing somebody at work and explanining the contents of a graph the next day after they’ve seen the contents of your pants.

Last but not least- if you are drinking at all, rather just get a cab back from the venue… Its not worth drinking and driving and running the risk of getting busted- the office party is not the time to bugger up your work career by getting thrown in chookie.

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Im a guy with a very particular view of life... im not quite sure what that view is just yet, but when I find out I'll be sure to let you know...


  1. Hehe Ricky – I know exactly why you writing this, all i can say is follow your own advise son… 😉

    1. @ NeilTall- very devious and something I've not yet considered. Noted- I'll give this a go.

      @someone- haha- if only I could follow my own advice, I wouldnt get half the trouble that I do (but then this would be a boring blog to read)… *swooper*

      @ Dr Greenthumb- any hotties @ your vibe worth giving a once over? 🙂

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