I really want to have my own reality show. Id be that garish self-involved guy that entertains millions with his narcissistic lifestyle of over indulgence. Id lie around all day, trimming my pubes, drinking whisky for lunch and occasionally urinating on the homeless chap that ruffles through my garbage. I mean that’s where ratings come from don’t they? Being a poes. Nothing gets my entertainment stamp of approval like those pre-menstrual tangerine bitches from New Jersey giving each other face smacks and pulling the hula-hoops from each other’s genetically modified ear lobes. Fuck Team Edward, Im team Snooki, and I love that the little gremlin can throw a punch further than her silicone nipples that could be used to stop trains. Alas, Im a lover not a fighter, so taking swings at my mates for using all the self-tan would have to be replaced by something else. Oooo I know! A Sex Tape! It worked for the Kardashian slut. The general public went from wondering who the shit these brainless latino bitches were, to viewing the chubby one’s bridesmaid dress more than any other fashion orientated image in 2011. But here I hit another small snag. I don’t like anal from black guys, so gosh darn the sex tape option is out. But just when I thought the gates to stardom were slamming shut, Elena Pappas and Liz Stone, stars of Cape Town’s newest reality Show “My Super Sweet World Class”, came up with the brain child that killed all other brain children while still in the womb. Lets be as dumb as pig shit, spend all of daddy’s money and generally diminish the world’s opinion of Cape Town faster than Henrik Verwoed in assless chaps.
The controversy that has erupted behind what can only be described as a pair of Down syndrome Kardashians after a stroke, has taken Cape Town by storm. Being rude, insensitive and with a completely unwarranted sense of being perfect, these two de-generates set about in creating the most fabulous party Cape Town has ever seen. Princess Di saved endangered species, worked with land mine victims in Rawanda and helped war torn Serbia and these chicks seem hell bent on destroying all the hard work she did for women in general around the world. I would rather watch them cut the throat of the worlds first ever baby albino panda bear than ever sit through another one of these episodes. They were so disrespectful to people who knew what they were doing and so ingratiating to people elder, wiser and with an ounce of talent, that Cape Town’s collective made a concerted effort to swallow the little bit of vomit that escaped their stomach caverns. You know when you have a small bit of throw-up but then you swallow it quickly afterwards and it burns your throat for five minutes? That was the best five minutes of this show.
But the obvious uproar that this bile has created on social media platforms has drawn out defenders coming to the rescue of Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dumbest. “Its scripted, they aren’t really like that, you would jump at the chance to do it too.” Yes it is scripted and edited to make them look conceited, naïve and immoral, but they aren’t calling themselves Snooki or some other pseudonym, theyre using their real names in real situations and trying for all intents and purposes for it to make it look as real as possible. You’ve attached your personal integrity to a piece of work where you knew full well how you would be portrayed, yet you sold your soul for a second of fame, so why anyone would have any inkling of respect for you and your name after that beggars belief. And I definitely wouldn’t do it. Ive been in the movie industry for 9 years now and I’ve sold my soul for cash many times, Im about to do a Tampon commercial in 3D (true story) so Ive had my share of low points, but this is without doubt the cherry on top of anything Ive seen (not that these chicks have had their cherries for years now).
Stop being part of the media tool that crushes and degrades women. If you are standing over your death bed and you are asked what you were most remembered for and your only answer is “making Paris Hilton seem like Steven Hawking with a vaj” then you aren’t really achieving are you? And this isn’t a jealous rant, I genuinely pity these two because for the rest of their lives they will be known as the dismal twins of dyslexia with only their bodies and peroxided hair for comfort.
Follow @stroobz for more enlightened social commentary and possible pictures of him in a Speedo for his upcoming reality series “Drunken man in Swellendam”.