My super sweet world classless

I really want to have my own reality show. Id be that garish self-involved guy that entertains millions with his narcissistic lifestyle of over indulgence. Id lie around all day, trimming my pubes, drinking whisky for lunch and occasionally urinating on the homeless chap that ruffles through my garbage. I mean that’s where ratings come from don’t they? Being a poes. Nothing gets my entertainment stamp of approval like those pre-menstrual tangerine bitches from New Jersey giving each other face smacks and pulling the hula-hoops from each other’s genetically modified ear lobes. Fuck Team Edward, Im team Snooki, and I love that the little gremlin can throw a punch further than her silicone nipples that could be used to stop trains. Alas, Im a lover not a fighter, so taking swings at my mates for using all the self-tan would have to be replaced by something else. Oooo  I know! A Sex Tape! It worked for the Kardashian slut. The general public went from wondering who the shit these brainless latino bitches were, to viewing the chubby one’s bridesmaid dress more than any other fashion orientated image in 2011. But here I hit another small snag. I don’t like anal from black guys, so gosh darn the sex tape option is out. But just when I thought the gates to stardom were slamming shut, Elena Pappas and Liz Stone, stars of Cape Town’s newest reality Show “My Super Sweet World Class”, came up with the brain child that killed all other brain children while still in the womb. Lets be as dumb as pig shit, spend all of daddy’s money and generally diminish the world’s opinion of Cape Town faster than Henrik Verwoed in assless chaps.

The controversy that has erupted behind what can only be described as a pair of Down syndrome Kardashians after a stroke, has taken Cape Town by storm. Being rude, insensitive and with a completely unwarranted sense of being perfect, these two de-generates set about in creating  the most fabulous party Cape Town has ever seen. Princess Di saved endangered species, worked with land mine victims in Rawanda and helped war torn Serbia and these chicks seem hell bent on destroying all the hard work she did for women in general around the world. I would rather watch them cut the throat of the worlds first ever baby albino panda bear than ever sit through another one of these episodes. They were so disrespectful to people who knew what they were doing and so ingratiating to people elder, wiser and with an ounce of talent, that Cape Town’s collective made a concerted effort to swallow the little bit of vomit that escaped their stomach caverns. You know when you have a small bit of throw-up but then you swallow it quickly afterwards and it burns your throat for five minutes? That was the best five minutes of this show.

But the obvious uproar that this bile has created on social media platforms has drawn out defenders coming to the rescue of Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dumbest. “Its scripted, they aren’t really like that, you would jump at the chance to do it too.” Yes it is scripted and edited to make them look conceited, naïve and immoral, but they aren’t calling themselves Snooki or some other pseudonym, theyre using their real names in real situations and trying for all intents and purposes for it to make it look as real as possible.  You’ve attached your personal integrity to a piece of work where you knew full well how you would be portrayed, yet you sold your soul for a second of fame, so why anyone would have any inkling of respect for you and your name after that beggars belief. And I definitely wouldn’t do it. Ive been in the movie industry for 9 years now and I’ve sold my soul for cash many times, Im about to do a Tampon commercial in 3D (true story) so Ive had my share of low points, but this is without doubt the cherry on top of anything Ive seen (not that these chicks have had their cherries for years now).

Stop being part of the media tool that crushes and degrades women. If you are standing over your death bed and you are asked what you were most remembered for and your only answer is “making Paris Hilton seem like Steven Hawking with a vaj” then you aren’t really achieving are you? And this isn’t a jealous rant, I genuinely pity these two because for the rest of their lives they will be known as the dismal twins of dyslexia with only their bodies and peroxided hair for comfort.


Follow @stroobz for more enlightened social commentary and possible pictures of him in a Speedo for his upcoming reality series “Drunken man in Swellendam”.

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  1. True words here by Stroobz! I mean honestly, nobody says that a 250k watch is reasonable.. Nobody…

  2. bravo stroob
    a hilariously written & an inarguable analysis.
    if you’re willing to paint such a ridiculous picture of yourself on intl television, you must be able to take the ensuing heat.
    drunken man from swellendam sounds riveting 🙂

  3. I’m not sure which was more entertaining. Watching the actual show last night to have a laugh about it – or this article. Firstly – brilliant piece of writing there Stroob. Reminds me of the old Nawty days 🙂

    Having said that – it was scripted to high hell and edited to make these girls look as retarded as they came across. The people who were at Caprice on the night while they rehearsed the “entrance scene” 500 times will attest to that fact – and it coulda been worse… the magic trick -could- have involved some ping pong balls…. #justsaying

  4. If they get to see the footage before its aired (which apparently they did) why not edit or change a few things so they dont at least look like blady morons, even if they were getting paid they could have some sorta excuse but i dont think they were, besides all that, if they gonna rent a car they could rent something better than that kuk old blue alpha…

  5. For being such hot, fashionable, rich bitches they surely pulled off quite and average party….from a global point of view, it was a flop!

    And that whole performance…..wank….should have had Elena snort a line or 2 off Liz while elevated, would have definitely better represented the girls as well as all the whole party vibe at caprice that night.

    Theres nothing wrong with being rich and fabulous….and there’s also nothing wrong with throwing tomatoes at their heads when they surface from the ground.

  6. Seems like you are seeking just as much fame through your writing as you says these girls are through this show. You forget how small cape town is and that you party in the same places as they do. I would love to see whether you would say what you’ve just said here, to their faces. How about posting a personal message on their facebook wall about your opinion of them? That would get a much better response. Dare you.

    1. Couldn’t agree with you less “Mr Irony”. Firstly this website has been created to advertise and inform people of events, competitions and parties as well as any other interesting news that has taken place. Stroob is not writing this with the intention of “seeking just as much fame” as the two “party starters”, but merely informing people of what a disgraceful performance that episode was. There is no need to seek personal vendettas with the people involved, but they should be alerted to what a fake and unimpressive image they gave of our wonderful city. Just think of it from an outsiders point of view, what would their perceptions of Capetonians now be? I sincerely hope not what those two girls displayed.

    2. Mr Irony, I couldn’t help but laugh at your comment. You confuse fake fame with worthy recognition. The idea the Stroobz gained some attention for his writing is to be commended upon, for it is a talent, as opposed to being (recently) famous for throwing daddy’s money around on MTV.

      Yet even so, your whole threatening nature is futile. This piece was not intended as a personal attack on Liz and Elena, but merely to question their motive in taking on a lead role in a now highly criticized show.

      Posting on their facebook wall as a private message is exactly what he (and others) is not trying to do ; this isn’t a personal attack, just an opinion expressed and a debate now open.

      I dare you to calm down.

    3. As a journalist, I enjoy this okes writing more than the regular bloggers (although they are tight as well). The reason is simple. He has a way with words and expresses how he feels perfectly while his writing also flows well. He doesn’t do it for recognition and he even uses an alias. Nor does he claim to be Cape Towns writing king. See, different.

  7. 1. they not even rich, or close to it
    2. the one doesnt live or come from cape town
    3. they didnt get paid to perform or act in the show, they did it willingly and applied to be featured

    so why did they do it?

  8. Its not a personal attack, I couldn’t give a damn if they knew I wrote it. The show was horrific and its a pretty general consesus the world over, sure they are a hell of a lot more worried about the millions of people who have seem them make an ass of themselves than a single review which saw the abortion. I’m not trying to shove it down their throat and if they came to me and used half the brain power they displayed on the show I’m sure I’ll survive. Whatever… Its my style and when you do a tv show open to speculation you will every now and then incur a more radical response. If they gonna be the big time celebs of their precious little hopes and dreams then I respectively suggest they get used to it

  9. Oh my word. Well played sir. Well played. When i am done on this planet and have moved on to whoever knows where. I am finding the management and defo’s going to get back the time wasted on these two. Stroobz you couldnt have said it better than “You’ve attached your personal integrity to a piece of work where you knew full well how you would be portrayed”.

    Elena and Liz, if i see you in the streetz I am kicking you in the shins… then taking your watch.

  10. This is literally one of the funniest things I have ever read. Those chicks might actually need to be shot, just so we can make an example of how not to act

  11. Ha ha, quite a rant you got going on there. Love it. Snooki for president, yay 🙂 I have no idea what this show is that you’re on about. Is it on MTV?

      1. Thx for the links Stroobz, will check them out prob Friday and give you feedback 🙂

  12. I stick to my original sentiment, if its the girls you have a problem with then write on their walls, if its MTV you have a problem with then leave the girls out of it.

  13. I think the most important point that Stroobs made is that
    1) They sold their integrity and credibility
    2) They embarrassed the whole of Cape Town in the process

    This is exactly the image of spoilt, rich, ignorant, white South Africans that we ALL ARE TRYING DESPERATELY TO RENOUNCE AND REMOVE! Isn’t it obvious that most of us would love dearly to distance ourselves from this debacle?

    I feel very sorry for the girls as I’m sure they’re very nice. But they made a massive mistake in the name of vanity and/or greed and they must accept what comes their way or do something positive to make good.

  14. You’ve really got a bee in your bonnet haven’t you? Once you’ve stopped taking yourself and life so seriously, I’d take time out to think of smarter ways to insult people than using Downs Syndrome as a funny.

    1. Yes, clearly by this post you can see i take life too seriously. I mean how serious is this hey? God forbid someone smiles instead of the unsubstantiated generic insults that have flowed in abundance online from millions of sources. How dare i put a comical twist on it. Wouldnt have used downs, but retarded is a politically incorrect term, and im all about being PC (youd know that if you read my column instead of basing what you know about me on a 700 word piece). If i promise to stop taking myself and life too seriously can we hug it out?

  15. I was literally forced to read this article by a work colleague who confessed to pretty much wanking over your writing abilities. After spending my entire working day reading every single blog post you’ve ever done, I can state with abandon, I love you.
    This post had me laughing so much I looked like a baboon during mating season.
    Now where’s my hand cream…..

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