The modern world we live in today (cliche alert) is somewhat of a minefield for your typical heterosexual male… with the lines of sexuality becoming increasingly blurred by Unfathomably good-looking metrosexual guys like Jude Law (see i just called another dude good-looking), I began to wonder exactly how much sensitivity and metrosexuality is too much.
Dont get me wrong- Im not one of those silly old school guys that thinks that being sensitive and knowing what a loofah is makes you gay, but rather that even if you are not a Vinny Jones hard-man there is a minimum level of manliness that all self-respecting guys should ascribe to meeting.
So here’s a top ten of subjects encountered in daily life that I feel if not addressed appropriately could put your manliness in danger of pansyfication (its a word i just made up now)
1. Discussing other men’s looks
Its acceptable to- Acknowledge that certain men are attractive or goodlooking
Its inappropriate to- Divulge any details as to why you think that this is the case. To avoid funny stares from your friends keep it as vague as possible.
Its acceptable to- Cry at a funeral or during any period of mourning, like when you see an Aston Martin get totalled by some soccer mom parallel parking very badly. It is also acceptable and almost unavoidable to cry if you’ve been kicked in the nuts.
Its inappropriate to- Cry during an episode of 3Talk with Noeleen or any movie where the main premise is not a young boy who is no longer allowed to play sport or hook up with girls due to a horrific injury sustained in an accident for that matter.
Its acceptable to- Groom yourself. This includes the odd spot of manscaping– a topic that I will delve into a little bit later this week. No-one likes a wookie at the beach!
Its inappropriate to- Get your eyebrows plucked professionally other than in extreme cases like that Bosingwa character from Chelsea– I know you are a superstar footballer but seriously that unibrow has to go.
Its acceptable to- Have knowledge about the latest trends in both male and female fashion apparel
Its inappropriate to- Know where to find the latest fuchsia, gem bedazzled clutch, unless you are in the fashion industry and absolutely need to know this.
5. Drinking girly drinks
Its acceptable to- Know how to mix one or two of these girly drinks for your female friends and sip on them just to make sure that they dont taste like ass.
Its inappropriate to- Order a cosmopolitan for yourself. Come to think of it, you should never ever order any pink drink unless you really had no idea it was going to be pink due to some ambiguous name on the menu, eg Devil’s Delight.
Its acceptable to- Go on a diet to shed a few unwanted kilos before summer.
Its inappropriate to- Only stock light beer in your fridge. Why the hell should we all suffer too when we come around to watch the rugby at your place!?!
Its acceptable to- Exchange a few stories about the weekend’s debauchery and sexscapades with guy friends (not that this happens of course ladies).
Its inappropriate to- Gossip about other guys. Rather just tell the dude to his face what you think about him and be prepared for some fisticuffs if he doesnt appreciate your honesty. We’re all more likely to show you respect and join in the fight if the guy is bigger than you, or a ninja.
8. Wearing jewellery
Its acceptable to- Accessorise to compliment your look
Its inappropriate to- Wear more jewellery than your date, unless you are a rapper, which you more than likely are not.
9. Watching chick-flicks
Its acceptable to- Watch these with your missus to score brownie points to be redeemed later when you want some nookie or mess up (which you will).
Its inappropriate to- Hire these on dvd willingly or watch one of them by yourself. Its also greatly frowned upon if you can quote any line from Ghost.
Its acceptable to- Indulge in the occassional shopping spree as a bit of retail therapy or buying stuff that’ll make you look more attractive to the fairer sex.
Its inappropriate to- Save the details of upcoming sales in your phone calender… The only instances where the words 50% off should get you excited is in a strip club or when buying cool guy stuff like guns, knives, cars and beer.
Right, so now you know… Its time to get your manly on boys