Homophobia Is The New Racism


At the moment, in our glorious tip of a dark and dreary continent, we have Julius Malema and Steve Hofmeyer. Two talented “young” men who are doing as much for race-relations as Hitler did for yarmulke sales. These intellectual juggernauts are in a perpetual tantrum of race based folly, and, to be honest, they’re both losing. Steve, you’re a hardened Afrikaner, your biggest claim to fame is bad haircuts and meat cooked upon an open flame. Julius, chief, you’re a proud Pedi, you’re known for… well, having no word for hermaphrodite. The point being, you’re both about as helpful to the nation as scentless farts.  Luckily the majority of free thinking 21st century liberals know these unique heroes to be nothing more than the rejects of genetic disposition they are. Unfortunately, these same free thinking claimants of modern day tolerance bear an ugly prejudice to anything “Here, Queer and ready to tear the shit out of stripper pole to a George Michael cover tune”.

 Recently parliament, the embodiment of post-apartheid South Africa, voted “No” to congratulate South Africa’s second consecutive Mr Gay Universe, Francios Nel. If America can have a black president then why the gosh darn cant we appreciate a gay white male? Is it because he’s gay, white and a male? Or is it because cabinet is worried about him starting a three way with Jacob and Nkosizana? But more importantly, in an eternal quest for a non-racial society, why is an alternative sexual preference still so frowned upon?

Jacob famously changed the whistle in his tune concerning two ball bags fluttering against each other, in a bid to harness the Cape’s vote during his 2008 election manifesto. His once vehement stance of families, ancestors and the straight man’s Giorgio Armani loin cloth, was skewered last minute in a bid to seem more “for the people”. Politicians changing their beliefs for power? I’ve had the horror shocked right out of me. The Mother City’s annual Gay tourism income stretches well over R250 million. How can he not dip his chubby little finger in that fudge pie? This same man, purporting to be an iconic symbol of equality, of a fight against oppression, is the same man who once called homosexuals “cowards and jackals”. “A better life for all”? As long as you don’t take it up the chutney.


We like to claim that as South Africans we are a tolerant and understanding forbearer for Africa as a whole. We have overcome indifference and formed a true Rainbow Nation that should inspire our continent. The archaic and bloody traditions that curse the cradle of mankind have seen gay men and women executed for wearing pink tops and simply mouthing the words of show-tunes. Yet they are the first to scream racism when the imperialist “white” west is late with aid, or shares a separate opinion.

Uganda is to gay rights, what Charlie Sheen is to sober Jehovah’s Witnesses. The death penalty is in place for any man who even reads Heat magazine, and that’s not the worst part. Our ambassador to this primitive land of sexual conformity, is former columnist Joe Qwelane. A man so foul he is quoted as saying “I would disown my own children if they were gay, they would never again step foot in my house”. Imagine if I said I would “disown my own children if they were black”, hey… Sometimes I drink and chow Viagra like potato chips. You never know. But as our emissary to a nation besmirched by what is now a humanitarian crisis, what kind of a message are we sending about our homophobic afflictions?


My point is that racism in our country today is endemic for a million reasons. Homophobia is for some reason cheered in higher echelons. Why? Are we all god fearing traditionalists in yearning for days where skies were blue, grass was green, and triceratops still roamed the open plains? This is the fucking 21st century. You are inherently gay, you don’t decide to be this funked up little feline in a fishnet sweater vest because it’s the “in” thing. In a society like ours, why would you? Its how you were born. I didn’t decide to be white, covered in brown hair, incredibly good looking and burdened by a 10 inch man hammer, but I’m embracing it because its who I am. If someone is gay, and you assert to live a life of openness, tolerance and acceptance, then you walk right up to that little queer in De Waterkant and hug them now. Otherwise its your conscience and your values that are the real ones taking a cock to the chin.


*This article is dedicated to Ugandan Gay Rights Activist David Kato, whose name was published with many others in a government sponsored paper in an attempt to educate the public about gays in the area, that eventually led to his execution. Your fearless dedication to equality will not be remembered in the same light as Mandela or Sisulu, but to me and many others, your commitment to sexual freedom will live on forever. Respect oke.

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  1. I would have liked this article more if there weren’t so many gay stereotypes in it. Just because your born gay doesn’t mean your born to love showtunes and be [highpitched voice]FABULOUS[/highpitched voice] 24/7.
    All the same, the sentiment is appreciated.

    1. Agreed Conrad. Also, the bit about “sexual preference” sort of counters your point about being “inherently gay”. But loved the article otherwise, and thanks to MCBN supporting this issue. It’s only but a drop in the bucket, but definitely a step towards an eventual shit storm. <3

    2. I appreciate what youre saying. If you read more of my stuff you’ll know that i play off the ridiculousness of stereotypes. Its in jest, coming from a straight guy. I realize alot of people could possibly even take offense, but it goes to my no holes barred style. Fickle attempt at humour? probably, but its who i am, its how i write and apologizing for it is in direct contradiction for what im trying to say!

      Either way, thanks for your comments!

  2. What’s heavy is that two weeks ago, a friend of mine kissed a boy in Assembly (and he liked it) and was bounced thereafter. A female assistant jeered at him and the guy he’d kissed, and a bouncer followed suit. Thankfully, when said friend approached the good guys who run Assembly with the story, they were upset themselves, and responded really well, assuring my friend that the bouncer and assistant would be dealt with for having acted like intolerant buffoons. Haven’t heard much further, but sometimes one forgets that Cape Town is not an impenetrable bubble of European-esque values, and intolerance is still around, even at a place as awesome as Assembly.

        1. Exactly what im talking about. The bouncers in this country are some of the most biggotly inclined folks around. Think its a serious problem actually. A few of the big clubs have guys that shouldnt be allowed to administer discipline to prison inmates let alone our “liberal” youth!

  3. Very well written piece & you’re sooo right about Joe Qwelane, having him represent South Africa is a embarrassment and insult to our constitution.

  4. You couldn’t have said it any better. We think we’ve progressed with all the democratic hogwash that is thrown at us, but we’re not even open to our own constitution.

  5. I think South Africans black, white, straight or gay still have a long way to go as there are still very clear underlying predjudices…
    Whether or not anyone is willing to admit it… Maybe in the not to distant future.

    1. I really have to agree with you on that one especially considering the alleged queer movement in South Africa. It’s akin the alcoholic who claims being on the wagon whilst sipping on a “blowjob”. They have a seriously long way to go!

  6. Well written as usual!
    when are u going to do an article on a “Mans Quest for the live blanket”?!

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