At the moment, in our glorious tip of a dark and dreary continent, we have Julius Malema and Steve Hofmeyer. Two talented “young” men who are doing as much for race-relations as Hitler did for yarmulke sales. These intellectual juggernauts are in a perpetual tantrum of race based folly, and, to be honest, they’re both losing. Steve, you’re a hardened Afrikaner, your biggest claim to fame is bad haircuts and meat cooked upon an open flame. Julius, chief, you’re a proud Pedi, you’re known for… well, having no word for hermaphrodite. The point being, you’re both about as helpful to the nation as scentless farts. Luckily the majority of free thinking 21st century liberals know these unique heroes to be nothing more than the rejects of genetic disposition they are. Unfortunately, these same free thinking claimants of modern day tolerance bear an ugly prejudice to anything “Here, Queer and ready to tear the shit out of stripper pole to a George Michael cover tune”.
Recently parliament, the embodiment of post-apartheid South Africa, voted “No” to congratulate South Africa’s second consecutive Mr Gay Universe, Francios Nel. If America can have a black president then why the gosh darn cant we appreciate a gay white male? Is it because he’s gay, white and a male? Or is it because cabinet is worried about him starting a three way with Jacob and Nkosizana? But more importantly, in an eternal quest for a non-racial society, why is an alternative sexual preference still so frowned upon?
Jacob famously changed the whistle in his tune concerning two ball bags fluttering against each other, in a bid to harness the Cape’s vote during his 2008 election manifesto. His once vehement stance of families, ancestors and the straight man’s Giorgio Armani loin cloth, was skewered last minute in a bid to seem more “for the people”. Politicians changing their beliefs for power? I’ve had the horror shocked right out of me. The Mother City’s annual Gay tourism income stretches well over R250 million. How can he not dip his chubby little finger in that fudge pie? This same man, purporting to be an iconic symbol of equality, of a fight against oppression, is the same man who once called homosexuals “cowards and jackals”. “A better life for all”? As long as you don’t take it up the chutney.
We like to claim that as South Africans we are a tolerant and understanding forbearer for Africa as a whole. We have overcome indifference and formed a true Rainbow Nation that should inspire our continent. The archaic and bloody traditions that curse the cradle of mankind have seen gay men and women executed for wearing pink tops and simply mouthing the words of show-tunes. Yet they are the first to scream racism when the imperialist “white” west is late with aid, or shares a separate opinion.
Uganda is to gay rights, what Charlie Sheen is to sober Jehovah’s Witnesses. The death penalty is in place for any man who even reads Heat magazine, and that’s not the worst part. Our ambassador to this primitive land of sexual conformity, is former columnist Joe Qwelane. A man so foul he is quoted as saying “I would disown my own children if they were gay, they would never again step foot in my house”. Imagine if I said I would “disown my own children if they were black”, hey… Sometimes I drink and chow Viagra like potato chips. You never know. But as our emissary to a nation besmirched by what is now a humanitarian crisis, what kind of a message are we sending about our homophobic afflictions?
My point is that racism in our country today is endemic for a million reasons. Homophobia is for some reason cheered in higher echelons. Why? Are we all god fearing traditionalists in yearning for days where skies were blue, grass was green, and triceratops still roamed the open plains? This is the fucking 21st century. You are inherently gay, you don’t decide to be this funked up little feline in a fishnet sweater vest because it’s the “in” thing. In a society like ours, why would you? Its how you were born. I didn’t decide to be white, covered in brown hair, incredibly good looking and burdened by a 10 inch man hammer, but I’m embracing it because its who I am. If someone is gay, and you assert to live a life of openness, tolerance and acceptance, then you walk right up to that little queer in De Waterkant and hug them now. Otherwise its your conscience and your values that are the real ones taking a cock to the chin.
*This article is dedicated to Ugandan Gay Rights Activist David Kato, whose name was published with many others in a government sponsored paper in an attempt to educate the public about gays in the area, that eventually led to his execution. Your fearless dedication to equality will not be remembered in the same light as Mandela or Sisulu, but to me and many others, your commitment to sexual freedom will live on forever. Respect oke.