“Liar liar your pants are on fire, your nose is as long as R Kelly’s dong at the Drakensberg Choir” – It might sound like the callous ululation of a 2024 South African Youth Rally, but our current uprising of an educated proletariat, means that your honorary Saffa scholar is not the engrained “sheeple” he was once presumed. The arbitrary rhetoric and pathetic excuses for Jacob “Armani Sewed My Leopard Skirt” Zuma swashbuckling through our tax money, is beginning to wear increasingly thin. No longer can Gedleyihelkisa throw his corrupt penis down the corridors of political airspace without a larger public wagging their finger in collective disapproval. Or can they? On the 29th of November 2012, our National Parliament voted in favour of the controversial Secrecy Bill. An act allowing government to classify any action of state deemed to be of national security, effectively allowing them to hide any misappropriation of funds; from tender rigging, to JZ building a 100 meter slip and slide covered in sheep fat through Tuinhuis. The media has had their vocal chords strangled by a Black, Yellow and Green gag ball; without the usual happy ending such a device would normally inspire. But surely 50 million members of the public wont let 400 delegates flaunt their every whimsy? Only bloody fucking time will tell.
Despite the global spotlight shining in the whites of the ANC’s eyes, they have categorically refused to take any cognisance of the cries from civil society, the international community or indeed their chommie in the Tripartheid Alliance; COSATU. They have a strange insistence, voiced by security minister Siyabonga Cwele (remember that Nancy Drew sleuth of a detective that couldnt tell his wife was a drug trafficker?), that vital state secrets leaked to the public could put our country at risk. From what? Our military is so underfunded and incompetent we could be over thrown by a bunch of revolutionary Lesotho pre-schoolers. There has not been one case of espionage that has resulted in a conviction since the dawn of democracy, yet we are made to believe this bill is in place to protect us from spies and threats to our national safety. When the cost of graft and corruption since 1994 is estimated at around R675 Billion, then surely our largest concern is well within our borders, and not those treacherous Botswanans?
But the country will not stand for it. We are not cowering in the fear spurred on by a Cold War; we are a developing nation with a burgeoning pool of intellectuals, far smarter than governmental departments, and those bitches have Twitter. We live in an age of internet access and foreign servers, and if the mighty US of A cant keep George Bush’s late night love chats with Castro out of the greedy mittens of Julian Assange, then you can be damn sure the endemic theft and back end pilfering of the fiscus by our standard 3 president will not stray far from the public eye. Thats the nice part about our country; there have always been supermen and women who truly care enough for the truth, its just a pity none of them seem to be in the ruling party.
If the journalist who leaked the Nkandla controversy, where JZ is spending 250-million Rand of tax money on his private residence, did so under the Secrecy Bill, he would be sentenced to 25 years in prison as there is no public interest clause in the legislation. Derek Watts would effectively be jailed until 3013 for giving the public vital information about brutal mismanagement, and trust me Derek would be a medium fillet mignon in Pollsmoor. But these journalists arent interested in leaking launch codes of military strategies, they are after shock and horror of governmental greed, of which the ANC provides a plenty. But they wont stand down, they wont let crime go unabated, and they wont let our National Congress hinder national progress. Because they didnt during Apartheid, where they wouldnt be jailed; they would be killed. And now, with growing public dissent and the introduction of the internet, the dictatorial hegemony wont be able to squash those selfless few who will stand up to wrong. Even if Ruda Landman has to go into exile.
*Follow @Stroobz on Twitter as he courageously reveals national secrets of massive importance, like what colour underwear Gwede Mantashe is wearing to Manguang, and is Nkosazana Dlamini Zuma actually a dude?