Flaya or Socialite?

On my travels to Jozi earlier this year I (Ricky) had the opportunity to meet one of the MyCityByNight alumni and while chatting to her I realised that she was (a) A mooiness & (b), had a rather witty with a sense of humour that made me giggle. After outcries from our many readers about adding a bit of a girl touch to MCBN, we decided to bestow this honour to a girl by the name of Raven…

Soooo- without further ado here is the first post from Raven- let us & her know what you think 🙂

This topic was recently brought to my attention a couple of weeks ago, while having a few drinks with some guy friends. At this time we were at a huge dance festival, so I happened to know quite a few people there… majority of them being male.

My mind was left to build a puzzle just after one of my mates called me a ‘Flaya’.

With a stumped look on my face I proceeded to ask the question, feeling like I’d missed out on a language class, to an explanation on what the word meant.

I was taken aback, and a little irritated, that I’d been classified as a ‘Female Player’.

I decided to dig a little deeper, trying see for myself, how exactly I’d been shoved into this category.

First googled the meaning of the word “Playa”: ‘Someone who dates more than one person at the same time, usually just for sex or other perks.’

The word “Flaya” or “Flayer” was NOT in the slang dictionary.’

I approached four of my guy friends and asked them these two questions:

1)     Do you know what a Flaya is? 

3 of them knew the term.

2)     What in your words classify a woman as a Flaya?

“A very popular girl that strings a number of guys along, and is not monogamous.”

“She plays with men, and the men expect it, but might not involve sex, but it revolves a lot more around flirting than sex.”

“A girl that has a jol with more than one guy a week without taking them into consideration, and this “jol” doesn’t have to mean a sexual encounter – flirting, some physical contact and some kissing.”

“ If I’m a playa, I go out to see how many numbers or lays I can get without taking into consideration other people’s feelings, and dismissing their good intentions on me, on purpose.”

“Leading numerous guys on at one time. Making them think they’re special when in reality they’re one of many.”

I see the HUGE double standard line being drawn here again.

So men can be friendly and flirty, and not be seen as a Playa – this would only be true if he was dating someone or had one believe that they were exclusive (and scarily not even then do some guys think that they should stop flirting). But as soon as a woman accepts a friendly gesture or doesn’t completely alienate someone from the opposite sex, then she’s playing the field?


There is NO way in hell that I am a Flaya! Being super friendly, outgoing, bubbly and adventurous leads you to meet a lot of new people. Yes I have more guy friends – I trust them more. No drama, no frills. And they are FUN!

These days thanks to the social networking systems, I’ve been privileged to meet the most amazing people, and my social life has doubled in activities, dinner dates and social drinks.

It seems to me however; that there are a few bruised egos’ walking around out there, and it was easier to deal with by giving ‘friendly’ woman a random alias.

Needless to say this has become a joke amongst my friends, and shockingly a nickname – one I’d like to rid myself, therefore I ‘d like to state for the record, “I’m no Flaya, I’m just a social whore.”

Like it? Share with your friends!


  1. Hmmm, certainly seems like there are double standards when “classifying” certain people. For instance, a guy that can have more than 1 girlfriend at a time and manage them all is seen as THE MAN among guys, while if a lady had to do it she would be regarded as, lack for a better word, a slut.

    Thanks for bringing this to everyone’s attention Raven, certain there are many more women out there that have been wrongly classified as a Flaya by guys that are sore that she is not showing interest in 😉

  2. Well done Raven!!

    How refreshing to read this from a girls point of view. Looking forward to many more insightful stuff from you. Nicely done

  3. @Soul7th – it was more of a ‘just because a girl is being friendly, doesn’t mean that she’s into you’ bit of info… Some guys really do mistake a kind and friendly gesture as a ‘I want to jump your bones’ signal – use it, don’t use it 🙂

    To all the other Social Whores, don’t let your flame be extinguished by the world haters… Keep smiling!

    Love your work!

  4. Nice article an well put. I think there should be a distinction between a cock- tease an a flaya. In fact I would go as far as to say a Flaya is better than a tease because they are aware of what they are doing and that’s their M O. Anyway that’s my 2cents. I know Raven from Twitter an she is an awesome girl an I will take on any person that thinks badly of or questions her.

  5. Clever tactic. I am yet to meet the woman. But she definitely sounds like one real ledge! also met her thru the interwebs and look forward to sharing some sleepless nights with this creature you call Raven…

    By clever tactic I mean you have just gained a whole new set of readers, who are all already interested in what Raven (Riley) SA has to say 😉 I say overall a great move!

      1. You just nicknamed me again!
        Ah I love it – Raven Riley! hehehe!
        Can’t wait to meet up with boys!

        1. And you boys know how to make a lady feel super special!

          I hope I can keep everyone entertained and that people keep reading 😉

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