I’m seated at the George departure lounge waiting for my 18:10 flight to Jo Burg. Theres a distinct aroma of moth balls and depressed pensioners perforating my nostrils. I swear if another elderly gentleman passes wind in my direction I’m going to use his liver spots as a bullseye in a plastic fork throwing competition. There’s a manic rush to board the final flight to Cape Town, as it is already delayed. Once the line has shrivalled faster than Clay Aiken’s boy bits at a Playboy Bunny pillow fight, final boarding is called. The plane remains stagnant. I look around for abandoned bags or Arab men wielding the aforementioned plastic forks. Al-Qaeda takes Wednesdays off in George. After 20 minutes, when I’m now sure that the pilot has been murdered or the miracle of nature has allowed a 70 year old to give birth prior to take off, a tall man with a 4 strong entourage casually swaggers through the security check.
The majority of passengers have been sitting on the plane for over half an hour when none other than police minister Nathi Mthweta decides to make a fashionably late entrance as if he were on a Mauritian island, in an Armani suit. The only way he could move slower would be to walk backwards and without so much as a word uttered he ambles through the departure gate. So here I sit, unable to pick my gaping mouth off the floor long enough to scream the deserved hate speech. Who the fuck does this dickhead think he is? I’ve seen serial killers do more “for the people”. So do these arrogant sons of bitches deserve the abhorrent salaries and luxuries bestowed upon them by parliament’s ministerial handbook? Not as much as they deserve leprosy…
Our country has been plunged into social and indeed economic decay following what is now nearly a three week long strike action by the trade unions. They’re asking for an extra 0.9% salary increase. Your average municipal worker rakes in a whopping R6000 a month, the increase will translate into roughly R60 extra per month. If we took the wealthiest man in the country, Patrice Motsepe, and looked at how long it would take him to make that in interest off his estimated R10 Billion personal wealth we see he would make approximately 3 times that miniscule R60 every second. Seems fair. If the strikers take until the end of the week to resolve the dispute it will take each one 75 months to recoup the monies lost through their refusal to work. This working class is by far the majority section of the populace and is responsible for voting these monarchal hybrids into power. However the regulations that these so called governors abide by are self regulatory and thus they make their own rules.
The biggest flaw in this vast conundrum of self indulgence is that there is no law preventing them from securing large government tenders in a personal capacity. Ethics and morals to the modern ANC man is like water to cats, rolled up newspapers to dogs or the sound of rattling chains to the Asian midget locked in my basement; mildly scary, but not likely to change anything you’re doing. However when the people making the decisions regarding the tenders are indeed the ones benefitting from the multi-million dollar deals, then a jug of water isn’t scaring away kitty. Communications minister Siphiwe Nyanda has vilified all his political dissidents by racking up over 5 million rands worth of hotel expenditure, that’s worse than Bill Clinton during his Monica phase. He graciously slipped the taxpayers the cheque and drove off in his newly acquired Mercedes S600. Not bad since his holding company has secured over 500 million De Niro’s through tendering in a variety of forms including the communications industry. The worst part is that as soon as his Auditor General questioned the ridiculous allocation of the government’s fiscal funds she got fired faster than Satan claimed shotgun on Paris Hilton’s soul.
So our country is run by ancient Romans who earn six figure salaries and spit in the faces of the very populace that elected them. The country is burning and the Holy Grail of Black Economic Empowerment is causing even more dissention then it was designed to alleviate. We cant afford to R60 to the cogs who keep this economy turning yet our annual ANC NGC meeting can cost over R4 million in catering and venue alone. The so called leaders have such an over may whelming air of entitlement pay yet bear little, if any, accountability, ability or honour that has garnered them these positions. It is open policy that the ANC deploys cadres who are high ranking in the party hierarchy, yet have little or no knowledge of the fields they are now in charge of. With no specialties but the backing of the ANC, they now make decisions that will see the Rainbow Nation to its future. And with every single governmental organization in complete anarchy and disarray without funds due to mismanagement we ask ourselves whether they deserve the money they earn. In the same breath we answer “Not until you show me a department that has more success than failure”. For this article I will get called a counter-revolutionary. Fuck that. I’m a revolutionary. Because the sooner this cancer is removed, the sooner the money I fork out every month can bring a smile to the faces of the people this government is supposed to protect.