Custard X Reviews Bazique Festival 2020


All words by Custard X
All images by Malik Kariem

Bazique was back and better than ever for its 3rd instalment at Ruitersvlei Wine Estate, Paarl.

With chats of the viral pandemic known as COVID-19 making its way to our shores, your hero, Custard X, arrived on the cusp of the unknown not knowing what to expect – all he knew was that he could not come into close contact with anyone, which is detrimental to the Kaapstad Custodian as he cannot go more than 12 minutes without asking someone for a skuif of their entjie.

A spanner in the works for sure, but the ultra-mal nai was up for the challenge and went about his way exploring the vast greatness that was the 3rd edition of this now, extremely well-put-together event. With a poes lot of stages situated around one of Paarl’s driest wine estates, Custard X was spoiled for choice but managed to manoeuvre his way through the utopia-like wasteland with his God-given knack for knowing exactly which d-floor is the most naat – at all times. To no one’s surprise, Custard ended up at Ukudlala Beach Bar. This was before he stood and stared for 20-30 minutes at that dance floor that was in the middle of a fucking reservoir.

“How did they get that dance floor to float on water? What was that thing made out of that it could even float on water? A fucking lily pad? Also, did these mal naaiers really carve a dance floor out of the side of a whole entire mountain?”

Custard, wannabe geologist and ex-mountaineer, was unsure because he actually knew fokall about that kak, but he was, however, blown away by the secluded paradise that was the Ukudlala beach bar.

The stage was managed by the backbone of Cape Town jolling culture; the boys from Funktion Koncepts, Preston Chambers and Western Province sound-guru, Thane Wyngaard. The duo was on hand to make sure festival-goers were entertained with the highest quality of sound human ears have ever heard. Back story: Funktion Koncepts, as a company, have been in the game for a resounding 5 years, thanks to the man behind the noise, Dean Barnes. They have supplied sound for every Bazique and for all you naaiers who think speakers just plug in and play music – read something, read fucking anything – this is an extremely strenuous process that requires constant mediation – Preston and Thane were put on this earth to give us eargasms and It’s only a matter of time before CYRIL welcomes them into the sound hall of fame.

Custards Bazique experience was short-lived as he had to see a man about a perd back in the dirty south, but that wasn’t before he got a glimpse of the way festival staff conducted themselves in trying to keep the event as sanitary and clean as possible. Oh yeah, and there was a fucking massive boom box on wheels that extended his stay a bietjie – can someone tell me what that was? Looked like either a golden arrow bus cut in half or a transformer – if no evidence is given for the former, I have no choice but to side with the latter.

I’m Custard X and sometimes I speak about myself in 3rd person so as to paint a lekker narrative – forgive me.

Also, you can catch me lumming in isolation for the next 2-4 weeks.


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Rumoured to have the blue-prints for Krang's TechnoDrome, stolen straight from Dimension X, he’s the type of guy who exudes so much coolness that he adds whole countries on Facebook at one time instead of just people. Always up for a party and a Tequila shot or two this is the guy who we always call first, both before and after a night out…
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