Coffee not cutting it? Try some cocaine tea (or dont- no actually dont)

You get those people who always complain that they need at least 10 cups of coffee just to feel the smallest boost in energy. It’s these people, along with alternative medicine hippies who are the target market for a herbal coca tea that has been removed from the shelves of two chain stores in Limpopo. Coca Tea was found to contain traces of cocaine a couple of times higher than what was acceptable on a drug test.

“Police were alerted about this supposedly healthy tea after a woman complained about dizziness moments after drinking the tea,” said Brigadier Hangwani Mulaudzi.

In July, the Medicines Control Council launched an investigation into a coca tea described as a “heavenly magical plant of the Incas” that was being delivered to a couple of pharmacies in SA. This tea is so badass that after two Beeld reporters each drank a cup of the tea and had their urine tested, they each showed benzoylecgonine levels of over 1 600 nanograms per millilitre in their urine. The cut-off level for the main metabolite of cocaine in drug tests was between 150 and 300ng/ml.

Apparently, you aren’t going to become all chatty and then invent great ways to sell products on the internet while under its influence with the effects being described as similar to a stimulant like caffeine. Still probably not the best idea considering the shipping address on the box is fake (amongst other more obvious concerns)…

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Im a guy with a very particular view of life... im not quite sure what that view is just yet, but when I find out I'll be sure to let you know...


  1. Ricky, this article could have been written WAY better. There are typo’s and grammatical errors throughout. Unfortunately it is obvious that the reason for these issues is that you simply do not care to read through your articles before you post them. A quick read-through would take only 5 minutes of your time and would ensure that all of your sentences at least made sense. I love MCBN but your articles lately have been littered with errors. Please, do all of your readers a favour and take this complaint seriously, or hire a copy-editor.

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