Break UP Not Down


Why is it that people tend to melt down when they are going through a break up? It ended, now move through the stages of grief, pick yourself up and make it work for you!

This has been sparked after another huge wave of relationships turning to kak! Way too many awesome people in my life are getting kicked to the curb by – from my view purely idiotic – people who simply cannot appreciate a good thing when they have it.


It never seizes to amaze me how we end up making a book of excuses for the other person. Why they might not be ready? Why they couldn’t commit? Why they need time? We need to start thinking with our heads, and close off our hearts! The easiest and wisest way to manage a failed relationship, is by dealing with it as if it were a business. When a business transaction falls through, you don’t spend hours after hours trying to analyse why the company didn’t fit into your schematics. You look at areas of your business model that might need some tweaking, invest in strengthening those weaknesses, and move on to the next conquest. Why the heck do we not treat matters of the heart in the same fashion?


Emotions are irrational… and as much as it is sometimes healthy to only use emotions to deal with certain circumstances, using it for an ending love affair is NOT!

How do you change your mind course to focus on more promising ventures?

There’s nothing more empowering than getting onto the treadmill, sticking your earphones into you lobes, then running like a demon till the sweat is dripping off every part of your body – sure the boys have a great visual now.

Not only does exercise release endorphins, but by going through these motions you rid yourself of pent up anger, frustrations or simply just the hidden emotions that are bottle up and might be fighting their way to the surface.

Please however remember, that everyone deals with this situation in different ways.

Everyone has different coping mechanisms, but I’ve jotted down a few steps, or rather some suggestions that might help guide you through this difficult time.

  • Nothing is better for a social life then suddenly being single. MINGLE! With the Social Networks and media there are so many opportunities to meet a ton of fabulous single people.
  • You have all the time in the world to do what makes you happy.
  • Do something that has always scared you. Do something adventurous – go on a cruise, join a ‘book club’, sign on to a dating site, take up a dancing class, go somewhere new, take a trip!
  • No one to double-check calendars with. Your time belongs to you.
  • Go see the movies or DVD’s YOU want to see. No more arguing about action vs comedy.
  • Find Hobbies that fulfill you.
  • Find time for your long lost buddies – you have your whole weekend now!
  • Work on YOU. Hit the gym – remember the endorphins that you get from exercise will make you feel tons better, and you will look amazing.
  • Admit that you are awesome! Stop looking back, and focus forward. If you don’t, you might as well be trying to drive a car forward by having the gears set to reverse.
  • Stop pining! It’s called a ‘break-up’ because it’s broken…
  • Go on dates! Yes you might not be ready for the next commitment, but this will re-assure you, and remind you that you are awesome! It’s awesome for your bruised ego to get your flirt on. This doesn’t mean you should in any way let loose and jump in between the sheets with everyone new person you meet (although if that works for you, hell go right ahead).
  • Surround yourself with positive people and friends. Now is the time to lean on the people that know your strengths, attributes and can highlight what you have to offer.


  • Please DO NOT go do something insane straight out of the emotional court and cut your hair – this is if you have long, beautiful flowing hair. Everyone I know that has done that has always regretted it afterwards. (If you’re a guy – doing outrageous streaks in your hair or changing the colour thereof is not a suitable route for everyone.)
  • DO NOT sit at home with a tub of ice cream, box of chocolates, with a bottle of liquor or feeling miserable!
  • DO NOT stare at photos, gifts or anything else that you might have shared with that person. I deal with things very differently by tearing up or burning any of the sentimental items. NB! This doesn’t mean YOU will be happy with having a bonfire of all your holiday pics with the ex.
  • DO NOT read the last messages or emails trying to find the cryptic clues! DELETE them. If you are weak at cutting off the contact, delete their email, phone numbers, facebook, etc.


I know all this is easier said than done.

Nothing sucks more than having to try glue the pieces of your broken heart back together, one shattered piece at a time.

Take it one day at a time – focus your strength on the things that make you feel positive.

If it adds to helping out: the most fabulous feeling is seeing the look on the ex’s face when you walk into a room looking gorgeous! (Although, don’t just do it for that – do it for YOU!)

Here’s to all the singles people out there… SINGLE is the new couple. Make love to YOURSELF!

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  1. I think you make some interesting points but going through your what to do list makes me wonder why people do not do all those things even though they are in a relationship? If you do not look after yourself and your friends while you are in a relationship you deserve to sit on a couch on your own with your fat ass eating a tub of ice cream. Why do people suddenly forget about their independence and their friends when they are with someone? There is no excuse for losing friends and not making time for them. It takes some juggling and time planning but it’s possible. And I know many people who let themselves go when they have someone.. um, would you want to date a fat cow?? no! Your physical and mental state will have an affect on you and therefore your relationship so do things for yourself. If my boyfriend doesn’t want to watch a chick flick I got to the cinema with my friends or by myself. You cant do everything together.
    Great article! Awesome read! LOVE IT!!!!

  2. Absolutely BRILLIANT article!
    Every part is so very true and every person going through a split should take this to heart!

    Totally Fabulous article babe!

    1. Thanks for reading my angel.
      I think going through this myself led me to being a little wiser in the end 🙂

      Once again thanks for your support xxx

    1. Thanks so much girl!
      Look, unfortunately it’s a process to healing, but once u’ve realised ur worth, come to terms with the saying ‘shit happens’ and start focusing on positive outcomes, then you are sure to win the war 🙂

      Always great to hear what others have to say about their coping mechanisms!

  3. This lady has the right attitude about break ups – look at it as a new lease on life – a second chance.
    Lady Raven! You are right!

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