Guys are generally quite a soul-less bunch when it comes to how we act in public. We do however have a basic set of prescribed rules to follow regardless of the situation in which we need to think about our actions (because we don’t often do this). The guy code is fairly extensive and thus for interest and ease I’ll only go over the basics with you all. The code, as with male interests can be divided into 3 main areas- beer, sport and mooiness.
First and foremost, every male should know never to order a pink drink unless it is by complete mistake due to misleading name like “hidden banana” or something.
If you are ever offered a communal shot at the bar by a fellow brother (especially if its of the Patron variety), you are not allowed to refuse it unless you are actually about to throw up, are driving for the night or are on fire (shots are generally quite flammable and wont help you much).
If you arrive at the fridge and there is only one of “said” beverage available, you must offer it to the host of the event first before consuming it yourself…
If you are watching any form sport or alternatively Ninja warrior with a fellow guy and have made the trek over to the fridge for a new icy one- you must make an assessment of the room’s drink levels and provide a fresh coldy for anyone with less than half of their drink without question.
You will only ever be allowed to support the English football/Rugby/Women’s Beach Volley Ball team that your father does or alternatively despises with all his heart. This will ensure plenty of bonding time and an excuse for him to watch sport with you without having to explain himself (one for the team).
The latest episode of Shear Genius should never ever take preference over live sport… This is what PVR is for dammit.
You are allowed to become slightly emotional when the Champions League theme song comes on before a match and you have a cold Heineken in your hand… Oh and if Wayne Rooney ever scores again too…
This is a very touchy subject. We all understand that good women are about as difficult to find as underwear that isn’t pink in Kreg’s closet, which is why at times this bit of the code is open to interpretation (much like the laws of rugby or the SA blog awards). You are not allowed to cock-block (say or do things that might jeopardize another dude’s chances of scoring) another guy unless he is direct competition for a mooiness that you are both interested in. And even in this instance it’s a bit a of shit thing to do.
You are never allowed to hook up with a guy mate’s ex unless he has given you permission for the basis of comparing notes and making fun of how terrible she is in bed. There are certain clauses involved with regards to non-girlfriends, but I’ll cover this topic at a later stage.
You are also required to lie for any male friend who needs an alibi to escape persecution from a mooiness (for the risk taken doing this, you are allowed to add in ridiculous details to the story when he hands the phone to you).
There we go… the basics of the guy code… Anything that I’ve left out???